There are crab cakes. And there are crab hockey pucks.

Crab cakes have, uh, actual crab in them. In fact, the main ingredient needs to be crab.

Crab hockey pucks are those nasty, greasy little things chefs try to pass off as crab cakes, but are mostly breadcrumbs, egg and celery with a string or two of crabmeat. Most often doused in lemon mayonnaise. As a former crab cake judge (seriously, I was) I’m hereby declaring them illegal. After all, we live in the heart of Dungeness Crab Country in the heart of Dungeness Crab season. Is it that hard to make a decent crab cake around here?

Ask Josh Silvers of Syrah. He seems to have figured it out.

Josh’s Crab Cakes are a staple on the Syrah menu. Like the cheese course and the Liberty Duck breast, they’re part of the Syrah experience. Yes, they’re $15 for three patties, which goes down a little hard. But if you look at the recipe (which follows) you’ll notice that they’re almost all crab. $21-pound-crab, according to Silvers.

So what aside from a good 5-6 oz of crab (Silvers uses Dungeness and lump, depending on what’s best at the moment) sold me on Josh’s cakes? They crumble and fall apart a bit when you cut them (this is a good thing), instead of sticking together in a spongy, bready clump. They sit on a bed of tart and tangy mustard aioli, cutting the richness of the frying, encased in a crunchy shell of Japanese panko crumbs.

And, I may have mentioned this, they are full of crab.

Those other crab cake imposters? Call the food police and just back away slowly.

Syrah Bistro, 205 Fifth Street Santa Rosa, 707.568.4002

Plus, don’t miss the Meyer lemon trifle. Pretty as a picture and tasty, too.

The recipe for Josh’s Crab Cakes-
Ingredients:

12 oz. Fresh Crab Meat
2 Tablespoons Red Onion (finely diced)
3 Tablespoons Red Bell Pepper (finely diced)
3 Tablespoons Celery (finely diced)
1 Tablespoon Italian Parsley (chopped)
1 Tablespoon Fresh Lemon Juice
1/2 Cup (approximately) Best Foods Mayonnaise
Salt and Pepper (to taste)
Panko (Japanese style bread crumbs)
Peanut Oil (for sautéing)

Method:

Check crab meat for shells and place in large bowl. Add vegetables, parsley, mayonnaise and lemon juice and mix thoroughly. Then add Panko slowly until the consistency is dry and slightly tacky to the touch. Form cakes and cover with more Panko and set aside.

To Cook:

Heat sauté pan, then add oil and wait until oil is hot. Cook crab cakes until one side is brown and turn over and cook other side until brown. Remove from pan and place on a paper towel. Serve with your favorite condiments.

The cocktail menu at Cyrus reads like a J. Peterman catalog, minus the quirky illustrations of wrinkle-free travel dresses.

But it has that same breathless, exotic quality that compells you to spend 10 minutes ignoring your martini (and your date) learning about the history of Mexican Coke, hand-crafted vodkas and why Rangpur limes are so darn good in your drink.

And like the J. Peterman catalog, you really have no choice but to buy the aforementioned products–price be damned–just to live the dream. You’d be crazy not to. Because who in their right mind would turn down a drink decorated with orange foam, flower blossoms and dried lotus chips?

There are some things in life that are just wonderfully decadent experiences. And there are some things in life that are well worth the price. Cocktails at Cyrus happen to be both.

(Just make sure you get an extra lotus chip or two. The bartender infuses, reduces, flavors and dries them himself.)

The bar at Cyrus Restaurant, 29 North St., Healdsburg, 707.433.3311.

Don’t miss: Lotus Potion, made with mandarin vodka, orange blossoms, orange and Meyer lemon juice, 5 spice honey, bitters and a crispy vanilla lotus chip: $10.

‘She’s press, she’s not just weird,’ apologized my friend as I was hunched awkwardly over a plate of cheese stuffed pork, trying to get an elusive shot for my personal pork photo collection. The chef backed away slowly. I’m not sure I blamed her.

Food is a passion for many. But at this weekend’s First Annual Artisan Cheese Festival in Petaluma, it was a downright obsession, as hundreds (including me) stuffed themselves silly with the stinkiest, runniest, most insanely delightful cheeses from SoCo and beyond. Okay, yes, we’re an odd bunch. But come on. It’s the cheese.

I just might need a few days to recover. Hold the chevre.

Top 10 moments from the weekend:

1. Most hilariously domestic demonstration: Nancy Oakes (chef at Boulevard) and Bruce Aidells (the former Sausage King) trying to get through Sunday’s cooking demonstration. We know who wears the chef’s toque in this relationship. And she doesn’t have a beard.

2. Most klepto moment: Stealing a bottle of McEvoy Ranch olive oil from my dinner table.

3. Best use of goat’s milk (not in cheese): Bodega Goat Cheese’s Natilla. A creamy, molasses dessert that had us swooning. For $4!

4. Best entrée at the gala dinner: Midnight Moon poached lobster, crab cake Oscar, lemongrass orange ginger vinaigrette and celery root mash with Keller Estate Chardonnay. For 150. Chef Jesss Llapitan of SF’s Palace Hotel wowed the crowd. So, uh, can we get the recipe for those crab cakes?

5. Most starstruck moment II: Meeting the cowgirls, Sue Conley and Peggy Smith, of Cowgirl Creamery. Don’t miss their limited edition Pierce Pt, made from Straus Family whole milk, washed in muscato wine and rolled in dried herbs from the Tomales Bay coastal region.

6. Favorite sommelier: Chris Sawyer, who discussed Petaluma Gap wines, is our absolute wine hero.

7. Wines that wowed: Keller Estate’s Oro de Plato, Black Kite’s Pinot Noirs, Mount Tamalpais Vineyards Merlot

8. Best right-place, right-time moment: Having Nancy Oakes give us a pound of St. George fonduta. Oh my god.

9. Best non-California cheese: Mt. Townsend Seastack–A hand-ladled cheese rolled in vegetable ash and sea salt from Washington state.

10. Cheesiest MC: Joey Altman. Need we say more.

See you next year!

(photos, clockwise from top left: Gary Danko’s cheese cart, the Danko cheese tasting, Sommelier Chris Sawyer, Petaluma360.com Meloni Courtway holding the fonduta, Gary Danko, strolling accordianist, Bruce Aidells next to wife, Nancy Oakes, the lobster from the Gala Dinner)

I’d all but given up on Round Table Pizza after one too many lackluster birthday party pizzas. And soccer party pizzas. And school event pizzas. (Though I’ll admit that judging any restaurant when surrounded by screaming 9-year-olds isn’t 100 percent fair.)

However, redemption has arrived in the form of the new Proscuitto Artisan Pizza, topped with lemon feta, artichokes, tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, basil and caramelized onions. Crunching into the cornmeal dusted crust, BiteClub was transported far beyond the stuffy, ear-splitting confines of the party room and into a brief moment of Italian bliss.

Redemption found. Now, if they could only do something about the birthday cake.

Round Table Pizza: Five Santa Rosa locations. www.roundtablepizza.com

Voting is now closed. Thanks for your participation. Stay tuned for BiteClub’s crowning of the Top SoCo chef!

Goobers and popcorn are not my idea of eating well.

So, you may understand why, despite threat of punishment, I often take my own nourishment to the movie theater. I’m just that kind of rebel.

But it appears the folks at the Roxy may have gotten the memo. The once-depressing coffee shop attached to the theater has recently transformed into an inviting crepe, panini and espresso cafe serving some downright delightful nibbles.

Crepes are made-to-order, featuring both sweet (Nutella, jam, baked apples) and savory (ham & cheese, veggies) fillings, brought to the table (or picked up counter side) steaming hot. With many under $3, they’re a steal for penny-pinching lunchers. The panini are also grilled up fresh, the best bet being the Tuscan–a richly filling sandwich packed with ricotta and mozzarella cheese, tomatoes and pesto for $5.95.

Café Martin also serves a mean espresso, with the staff well-versed in foam-art. And, with its fishbowl windows, the narrow café is as perfect a people-watching spot as you can get downtown. At least when it’s raining.

Not so hot: We’ll chalk up to opening jitters the black plastic plates, paper cups and side orders of cheap potato chips and pickles. Ick. Hopefully the owners will think twice, and invest in a little china and possibly some amusing sides–say, perhaps a nice pasta or nip of green salad? Brilliant.

But even as is, the café has plenty of pre-and-post theater allure. So, if you see my purse steaming a bit as I walk into Cinema 9–possibly oozing a little chocolate, and a bit of melted cheese–just wink and smile. It’ll be our little secret.

Café Martin, 85 Santa Rosa Ave, Santa Rosa, 707.522.0330. Open for lunch and dinner daily.

Looking at your watch could very well get you kicked out of John Raymond’s cheese shop. So don’t do it.

Instead, kick back and settle in for a leisurely tasting while the quirky Glen Ellen cheese monger walks you through his collection of rare, artisanal cheeses–many of them from California–one by one. If you’re lucky, a little group will gather ’round the marble cutting board and you’ll be regaled with more cheese knowledge than you can possibly process. Not to mention plenty of tastes. If you’re lucky.

Because if you’re not paying attention, Raymond won’t hesitate to ask you to move aside for someone more pleasured by an aged wheel of goat cheese. And believe me, that’s not a spot you want to give up.

Raymond is just one of a collection of food and wine purveyors making a go of it in the quiet Glen Ellen outpost of Jack London Village. Though the remote-ish, hill-hugging shopping center has long-struggled to keep tenants, the current crop, which includes Raymond & Co. Cheesemongers, the new café/marketplace Olive & Vine, Wine Country Chocolate & Truffles and a new wine bar and bistro finally feels like a destination.

If you go: Don’t miss the panini sandwiches at Olive & Vine. The marketplace (which also serves as home base for their catering company) offers up a daily variety of scrumptious salads, pizzas and soups, but the grilled pork loin sandwich with apple slaw, melty cheese and grainy mustard was a little slice of heaven on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Top off your tasting fun next door with a wine-infused chocolate truffle (and sneak a peek while they’re being made). Across the street, check out more wine tasting and a variety of oils and vinegars from Sonoma County.

Jack London Village, 14301 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen
– Raymond & Co. Cheesemongers, 707.938.9911
– Olive & Vine, 707.966.9150
– Wine Country Chocolate & Truffles, 707.996.1010

Though BiteClub didn’t initially grasp the concept for the ‘Indian Fusion Sanctuary’ that recently opened on Mendocino (in the former Tahini Grill space), you can now count us among the believers.

Taking inspiration from India, Italy, China and California, Nirvana’s owner/chef/front man Neil Advani has created a mind-bending menu of fusion curries, kabobs, tandoori and nan in a calming temple-like space. Like Scallops Tamateri (tandoori baked scallops with a tomato puree); Crab Lajawab (crab cakes in mango sauce), Italian curry (with olive oil, tomatoes, sweet chutney, oregano and alfredo pesto) or nan bread studded with rosemary and garlic. Unconventional? Truly. But with Indian-fusion dishes sweeping through major cities like London and New York, SoCo can count itself among the culinary vanguard. Or something.

But the soul of the restaurant is what really shines through. Advani hand selects everything “from the traditional round copper plates to the imported Indian mango puree for his saffron mango lassi. Advani doesn’t miss a thing, and if you give him half a chance, he’ll be happy to tell you about what’s in today’s chicken, how he selects the special Darjeeling tea, or give you a taste of the Bombay cumin mint salt spice drink (a native favorite) on the menu. Even the little things, like the complementary nan bread, are small works of art–puffy and shining, rather than tired and sagging. The recipe, “from the Bible of Indian breads,” takes years to master. But it is so worth it. Every bite.

Namaste.

Best bet: Want to give Indian fusion a try? Check out the $8.95 lunchtime buffet, one of the best Indian meals we’ve had in SoCo.

UPDATE 3/8/07: BiteClub has recently been informed from numerous sources that service continues to be a problem at Nirvana. We’re willing to overlook some opening jitters, but feel it is only fair to advise readers of the situation.

Nirvana Indian Fusion Sanctuary, 420 Mendocino Ave., #100, Santa Rosa, 707.575.3608. Open daily for lunch and dinner. In the evenings, live entertainment includes Indian musicians and belly dancing (call ahead and check which nights).