Lying around in full couch tuber regalia, following the heartbreakingly tantalizing 49er game, I had the misfortune to channel-surf through the treacherous waters of Monday Night Television, only to find my mental Minnow festooned around the awful coral head of Adam Richman’s Man v. Food. As if driving past an overturned car in a highway ditch, or probing a sore inside a cheek, I sat there, glassy-eyed and I must suppose mildly brain-damaged, for perhaps 15 minutes (an amount of time that, at roughly 0.00003% of my expected life span, strikes me as too long by at least half), transfixed, seemingly incapable of averting attention from either Mr. Richman’s ham-handed narrative or the grotesque display of gustatory abuse which forms the dubious premise of the show.
This particular car-wreck happened to be an episode in Philadelphia, in which the host must face down a single, titanic cheese steak from Tony Luke’s, the sandwich in question (although to call it that is surely to insult the Earl’s good memory and proper sandwiches everywhere) weighing in at an appalling 5lbs in total, and constructed from 3lbs of meat, 1lb of American cheese, and a half-pound of fried onions, all stuffed into a 20″-long sub roll, which I suppose we’re meant to infer weighs another half-pound. This is not the foul pile of landfill masquerading as food and pictured above-right; that unfortunate distinction belongs to Parker’s Hot Dogs in Sacramento, home to yet another 5lbs of televised obscenity at the hands of said Mr Richman.  But even to debate the particulars is to offer the offer the show far more quarter than it deserves; the what he eats is irrelevant in comparison to the why.
I’ve been puzzling over what bothers me so much about the show for the last couple of days: Notwithstanding the puppy-dog eyes and smarmy winks, Mr Richman himself seems inoffensive enough, and arguably knows what he’s doing, both in front of the camera (he studied drama at Yale) and in the kitchen (he claims to be a trained sushi chef);  nor is it the quality of the food itself, as he generally chooses destinations of some culinary merit (I have nothing against his roadie-food strong suit of cheese steaks, chili dogs, and burgers), or at least so they seem prior to his blasphemous display of eating whatever it is that they make. No, I think the problem lies with the premise of the show itself, the very idea that eating – to me, an inherently pleasurable, and literally life-giving, enterprise – should be reduced to a contest between the eater and the stuff on the plate
The great writer and patron saint of food bloggers everywhere, Mary Frances Kennedy Fisher, once said that the “enjoyment of the art of living, as well as of eating… are, or can be, synonymous.” Man v. Food is predicated on nothing less than the complete moral inversion of Ms Fisher’s guiding principle – the title itself proclaims mouth and fork to be enemies – and I’m guessing that that is what chafes me like a dull razor. Food is (or at least should be) enormously enjoyable and, served in proportion to its purpose, satisfies one of the most basic conditions for life; the absence of food implies hunger and death (the millions so afflicted are a tragedy of global proportions and a blight on our collective social conscience), and food in excess implies death by means other than hunger, but death just the same (we are a nation of over-eaters, on this the data is incontrovertible). And yet here is a major television production that exists solely by virtue of our ability to transform good food into something dangerously unpleasant. Worse still, this transformation is effected by the application of quantity: What would otherwise be nourishing, or at least tasty (I’m not sure if even the finest chili dog could ever be called ‘nourishing’), becomes a threat, simply because of the sheer size of the serving.
I know, I get it, it’s all just entertainment, you don’t need to post a reply with a litany of even-worse sins; we can just stipulate that competitive eating likely fails to represent one of the clear and present dangers to civilization as we know it, and that there are any number of significantly more disturbing examples of televised programming (certainly, The Swan and anything even peripherally related to Toddlers and Tiaras would rank higher on both lists). But its relative innocuousness in relation to graver threats in no way obviates my argument with Mr Richman and his self-destructive quest for ad revenue: The fact remains that the Travel Channel, by aggrandizing gluttony for a nation of the epidemically obese, sells our collective good sense of what food can and should be right down the river.

It’s a bigtop food extravaganza — welcome to the BiteClub Food Circus at the Third Annual Handcar Regatta. (Sunday, Sept. 26, 2010)

I’m going to assume you’re familiar with the Regatta, darlings. Because if you’re not, well, spend some time here and get back to me once you’ve got your mind properly corseted.
This year, BiteClub is putting on a little show of our own. With some friends. Head to our booth for all-day fun and food demonstrations.
Here’s the Lineup:
– 11am : Exotic Cheese of the Orient. Our friends at The Beverage People (who should really be called the Everything Fermented People) will demonstrate how to make Indian paneer, a fresh cheese that makes dishes like Saag Paneer actually taste good.
– Noon: Dirty Pickling with the Veggie Queen. Jill Nussinow gets crafty with a demonstration of Watermelon Rind Kimchee in all its garlicky, fermented goodness. Kapow!
– 1pm: Everything but the squeal: Live Butchery! Chef Roger Praplan from La Gare will demonstrate the fascinating deconstruction of a 60 pound pig. Fear not, our porcine friend has already been dispatched and ALL the parts will be eaten and used. We’re no wasters. And we love pork belly.
– 2pm: Exotic Spices from Far Off Lands: The gals from Savory Spice will be tempting your noses and your palates with a spicey demonstration of curries and herbs from exotic lands. Follow your nose to this one.
– 3pm: Eve’s Apple: Merrilee Olson of PRESERVE Sonoma tames the forbidden fruit with apple press demonstrations (throughout the day) and LIVE vinegar making. Keep watching, because you never know what she might come up with!
– 4pm: Stuff This Sausage Making: Roger Praplan returns to demonstrate sausage-making (remember the pig?). There’s no waste and no want when it comes to porky deliciousness.
– 5pm: Dessert Time: Stick around for Bacon brittle and Straus vanilla bean ice cream from Chef Tiffany Friedman, who’s competing in the Sears Chef Challenge (and hoping to win some big $$ for Food For Thought, so vote for her!). What you say? Aw yeah, sweet porky goodness. So worth it.
What else is on tap?
Well, BiteClub’s super excited about another food area – the Friedman’s canning stage. Kimberley Rossi is a canning whiz and uber gardener who’s behind all that cool canning gear at Friedman’s home supply. If you’ve been over there recently (and I was while finalizing all my Regatta gear), you’ll automatically be inspired to start “putting up” for the winter.
“It’s become more and more popular over the last few years. We thought it was something that we thought only our grandparents did. But for me, it became a necessity — every inch of my garden has comething you can eat,” said Rossi. She’s been tapped by the stores to become their in-house canning expert and works with newbies (and experienced canners) to make sure things turn out well.
So during the bounty time of year (September, October), there are only a couple choices for all the extra veggies and fruits lying around: Give them away or can them. “It’s a labor of love. It can be quite hot in the kitchen canning all day, but after you’ve done it, you get to eat it all through the winter.” said Rossi.

Smart diners leave room for dessert. Brilliant ones just eat it first.
And really, why shouldn’t we? Dessert is all to often an afterthought. Or worse, an unpleasant struggle of will after gorging ourselves through four courses (and a bread basket). So it’s no wonder that some restaurants simply farm out their confections rather than putting serious energy behind their sweets. Not to mention that most chefs get nervous when you start forcing them to use things like measuring cups and recipes — critical to good pastry.
But dessert decadence is again on the rise (could economic recovery be far behind?).  Kitchens are getting more creative with their last courses, retiring tired molten lava chocolate bombs and dry-as-dust cheesecake for a rainbow of cupcakes and childhood confections, fire and ice show stoppers, seasonal sensations and sweet-savory dishes that defy the category altogether.
Tummy rumbling? Here are some local favorites…

Of The Moment: With ripe apples threatening to bash our noggins at every turn, Starlight Cafe and Wine Bar take revenge on the crispy critters by serving up Gravenstein apple fritters with cinnamon ice cream and caramel. Take that. 6761 Sebastopol Ave., Sebastopol, 823-1943.
Childhood Confections:
– Triple Threat: Warm milk and cookies at Jackson’s Bar & Oven are exactly that, because who can improve perfection? Jackson’s Cupcake does Hostess one better with a dark chocolate mini cake filled with white chocolate cream and a signature swirl on top. And beignets are just a fancy word for doughnuts, right? “I have to say one of the best desserts I had recently was at Jackson’s Bar and Oven. Their beignets are to die for. Instead of the tradional fried balls of dough, they make them into long sticks of deliciousness that are fried perfectly and soft and warm on the inside. They are served with a raspberry coulis, creme anglaise, and hot fudge to dip them in. It’s worth the trip just to have this for dessert,” said Clara Black.135 Fourth St., Santa Rosa, (707) 545-6900.
– S’mores: Campfire-inspired, these melted chocolate, gooey marshmallow and homemade graham crackers for two have been on the menu since Restaurant P/30’s opening. And getting better every time. 9890 Bodega Hwy, Sebastopol, (707) 861-9030.
– Butterscotch pudding: “It’s just an old-fashioned recipe that proves classics are classics,” said Bryan Bousquet of Bistro M. Made with brown sugar, cream, eggs and other diet-smashing goodness, this nursery favorite has permanently taken up residence at the Bousquet’s casual Windsor eatery, Bistro M (610 McClelland Ave., Windsor, 838-3118).
– You’ll want to get your peanut butter in this chocolate: Homemade “Nutter Butters” (you remember the peanut butter cookies, right?) with dark chocolate fondue for dipping at Zazu Restaurant & Farm. (3535 Guerneville Rd., Santa Rosa, 523-4814)
Show-stoppers
Ice: Liquid nitrogen and vanilla custard make for a spectacular ice cream dessert made tableside. Part science experiment, part haute molecular gastronomy, it’s all good when warm chocolate and French cherries complete this avant sundae at Madrona Manor (1001 Westside Rd, Healdsburg, 433-4231. Baked Blackberry Alaska is “beyond delectable, the whole dessert is homemade from scratch…including the blackberry ice cream!” according to Stacy Chamberlain, a fan of Viola Pastry Boutique and Cafe, 709 Village Ct. Santa Rosa, 544-8830. Mixing up hot and cold is Stark’s Steakhouse’s Frozen Hot Chocolate with Whopper Foam and Chocolate Crackle Cookies (521 Adams St., Santa Rosa, 546-5100).
Fire: Cherries jubilee, the oldest of the old school desserts, flambeed tableside with a flair at La Gare (208 Wilson Street, Santa Rosa, 528-4355).
Out of the Ordinary
Leave it to a pastry chef to mix sweet and savory flavors in a single dessert. Roy Schvartzapel is the pastry chef at Cyrus (29 North St., Healdsburg, 433-3311). On his current menu: Passion fruit gelato with miso custard, white peach miso soup, olive oil and sesame sable. Love red velvet? Schvartzapel’s updated version is topped with vanilla bean cream cheese frosting, candied baby yellow beets, pickled chiyoga beets, a yogurt sphere, carbonated raspberry and red beet consomme and verjus sorbet. Whew.
Ice Cream & Cake
Cheesecake: Autumn Barber of Aioli Delicatessen (6536 Front St # 7, Forestville, 887-2476) is a big fan of Autumn Merkel’s small batch Sinful Delights cheesecakes available at Aoili and at Graziano’s in Petaluma . “They make amazing cheesecakes!! Caramel macchiato is my personal favorite,” she said.
Willi’s Wine Bar’s (4404 Old Redwood Highway, Santa Rosa, 526-3096) warm Scharffen Berger Flourless Chocolate Cake with Peanut Butter Caramel, Vanilla Bean Ice Cream & Sea Salt Peanuts is my favorite dessert in the county,” said Megan Feldman. But it’s panna cotta and pot de creme that get big thumbs up at Cucina Paradiso (114 Petaluma Blvd N. Petaluma, 782-1130), Rustic’s Chocolate Mousse al “Francis Francis” served with a dollop of cream in a teacup (300 Via Archimedes, Geyserville, 857-1400) and Creme brulee at Mosaic restaurant in Forestville (6675 Front St, Forestville, 887-7503)

Lisa Hemenway’s much-anticipated eat-in/take-out marketplace is officially open — for a sneak peek.

“I’m not sure if there has ever been a more anticipated opening. People have been literally banging on the doors to get in. As of Saturday, the paper has come down. Bowing to public demand, Lisa wanted to allow the locals to get a sneak peek,” said Jenifer Levini, on behalf of Hemenway.
So if you’re jonesing to get a first look the coffee shop is percolating and the pizza ovens cooking 4 types of pizza: Margarita; Pancetta & Artichoke; Roasted Eggplant & Onion with Feta; Wild Mushroom & Smoked Mozzarella. The deli cases are being stocked as Hemenway trains the staff, and much of the fresh produce is in place. The wine and beer bar is open, and local poultry and duck breasts are ready to take home.
If you want the full Fresh experience, you may want to wait a few more weeks as staff finish pricing cheese, dairy and other stock while learning the ropes. Table service, the full deli and finishing touches are rolling out in stages, and Hemenway is clear that the marketplace isn’t totally ready for its close-up just yet. “Please bear with us as we approach the ‘real’ opening in a week or two,” says Lisa’s Facebook page.
So consider this your Beta of Fresh. With subsequent updates coming your way throughout the next few months.
Fresh, open 8am to 8pm daily, 5755 Mountain Hawk Way, Santa Rosa.

Walking by a cracked and decrepit freeway on-ramp – reclaimed from the morning commute and relegated to the urban wasteland by the Loma Prieta earthquake – two San Franciscans, thinking more like old-school farmers than new-age city dwellers, look at the cracked blacktop bleeding with weeds and saw, incredibly, an orchard. And the topsoil, so manifestly absent on the windswept concrete col, in which these imagined trees would sink their roots? Heaps of rotting compost, strap-compressed cardboard, leftovers from nearby markets, and landscaper clippings – organic detritus, otherwise sentenced to serve out a capital term as landfill, from across the City.
The best bit of the slide show, the whole point really, is the lens through which the farmers see this hard, raw wasteland: Where you and I see trash and blight, they see “piles of possibility”. Making soil out garbage. Growing fruit trees on a freeway. Why? Because these farmers believe that everyone – even those of us that, by choice or happenstance, live in high-density, high-land-cost forests of concrete, glass, and steel – should be able to grow at least some of the food that they eat, and that vacant space, by the miraculous fact of its mere presence, offers an invitation (an obligation?) to do so.
The punchline, or at least rwhat resonates most deeply about the project for me, is its preordained impermanence: This orchard can only ever be transitory, because, as we all know, the Bay Area’s great armies of cars march through their morning commute with all the inevitability of a glacial ice floe. The trees will be uprooted; the soil scraped away; the pavement once again returned to its urban birthright as. This is not speculation: The City will take the land back – there is no question about this – and yet (or perhaps because) the farmers persist, and until such time as the rubber of our tires replace the soles of their work boots, people will, of all things, eat off that land. I don’t know about you, but I think that is just uber cool.
The slide show will eat up about 5 minutes out of your life – which, truth be told, is about 4 minutes, 30 seconds longer than I typically allot to any given byte of digital cellulose. But it will repay your investment every time you pass a dusty vacant lot, or wonder what to do with your terrace, your windowsill, or that weedy scrap of long-forgotten dirt in the far left corner of your yard.

CLOSED
Rustic Italian classics are the main attraction at this Santa Rosa (formerly Geyserville) trattoria. The kitchen changes its offerings to regional specialties monthly, so you may never see the same dish twice.
The restaurant picked up stakes in 2010, moving to the ritzy Fountaingrove neighborhood, next door to popular Italian/gourmet grocer and wine purveyor, Traverso’s. It’s a match made in heaven. With the move came an updated menu. Santi regulars will still recognize plenty many of the regional dishes from the past, but there’s a lighter, feel to everything. Ten years ago, says Chef Liza Hinman, restaurants did a traditional protein, side, veg plate and portions got enormous. “You’d see people taking home these huge boxes.” Instead she’s updated the menu to include more concentrated, “you can eat everything on the plate” entrees and antipasti.
Open for lunch and dinner. Santi Restaurant, 2097 Stagecoach Rd., Santa Rosa, (707) 528-1549. tavernasanti.com

Just a couple days out from its grand opening, the Coddingtown Whole Foods market is nearly set up and ready to roll. Here are some of the highlights:
– The Tap Room: An in-house beer lounge open during store hours, the Tap House features 16 local craft brews on tap.
– Kombucha Bar: This fermented health tonic flows on tap near the frozen yogurt bar.
– Fresh Pretzels: The bakery has high-tech in-store ovens and we hear the fresh soft pretzels are the bomb.
– Dry Aged beef and sustainable meats: The store will feature many local meat purveyors, including a super-local beef program that sources from North Bay ranchers. Their 5-step animal welfare program rates how chicken, beef, pork and other meats are raised.
– Monterrey Bay Seafood Watch seafoods: Sustainably raised seafood is a high priority.
– Local Produce: The store will highlight locally-grown produce
– Gluten/Vegan: Specialty foods for gluten-free and animal-free lifestyles will also be highlighted
– Education Center
– Expanded bulk and bulk spices
The store opens Wednesday, Sept. 22 and hosts a barbecue on Sunday, Sept. 26 from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. This free event is an outdoor barbeque featuring fun for the entire family including a delicious selection of meat and seafood on the grill, live music and an opportunity to meet local ranchers and attend workshops to learn everything from buying, cutting and marinating meat.

Local vendors include more than 125 Sonoma county producers and farmers: Crumb Hither baked goods; Rawk Me Organics raw, vegan, organic ice cream; Mateo Granados’ line of Mayan habanero sauces; Primavera tortilla chips, salsa, hand-made tortillas and tamales; Alexander Valley Gourmet™ pickles; Café Gratitude raw foods to go; Harvest Time spring rolls; The Hummus Guy hummus, dips and spreads; Gipson’s Golden honey; Artisan Bakers baked goods; Full Circle Baking Company baked goods; Salmon Creek Ranch pasture-raised organic duck eggs; Vibranz Kombucha; St. Benoît Yogurt and yogurt cheese; McClelland’s Dairy organic European-style butter; Dry Creek Peach & Produce and Quetzal Farms produce; Devoto Gardens flowers; Two Rock Valley cheese; Coast Roast Coffee, Taylor Maid and Ecco Caffé organic coffee and Bohemian Creamery Italian-style cheeses.