You had one job. Bring the pie.
And you forgot, didn’t you?

Okay, don’t panic. BiteClub is here to help-

Best bet: Mom’s Apple Pie
Chance of actually getting one: Dream the impossible dream.
For you sorry slackers, Mom is staying up late Wednesday and opening early Thanksgiving morning. And these are, without a doubt, the biggest, baddest, yummiest fruit pies in town. Now, here’s the deal, there will only be a few non-reserved pies available, so you’ll need to get there bright and early. Doors open at 9am, and its purely first-come, first-serve-so get your pie-shoving elbows sharpened.
Mom’s Apple Pie: 4550 Gravenstein Hwy. North, Sebastopol, 707.823.8330

Solid second choice: Marie Callender’s
Chance of actually getting one: Good
Here’s the inside scoop: Marie’s got a whole back-room full of pies just waiting for last-minute folks to swoop in on Thursday morning looking for pumpkin, apple and, well, any of the dozens of pies they make every day. They won’t reserve pies, but we’re assured that there’s plenty of pumpkin. Again, go early.
Marie Callender’s : 2460 Mendocino Avenue, Santa Rosa, 707.547.0747

In a pinch: Kozlowski’s Fruit Pies
Chance of actually getting one: Fair
Pecan-crumb top made right here in Sonoma County. You can find them at Pacific Market (Santa Rosa), Fiesta (Sebastopol) , Big John’s (Healdsburg) and Oliver’s (Santa Rosa).

Not bad for a supermarket: Whole Foods
Chance of actually getting one: Fair to good
Of all the supermarkets, Whole Foods’ pumpkin pie is actually pretty dang good. Nice and spicy, rich, and with a crumbly, rich crust. Quite possibly better than homemade. At least when some of you are cooking.
Whole Foods: 1181 Yulupa, Santa Rosa; 6910 McKinley, Sebastopol; 621 E. Washington, Petaluma

It’s 2pm and I seriously can’t find a pie: Safeway-but grab some whipping cream
Chance of actually getting one: Good
I honestly can’t begrudge Safeway’s bakery. They make a solid bagel. They’re even doing some cute little gourmet treats these days. So, if you find yourself stuck, grab a pumpkin pie and some fresh whipping cream. No, not the stuff in the can. The stuff that’s in a carton. Whip it up, add some sugar, a little cinnamon and plop it on the pie liberally. It will cover a multitude of sins. Even the fact that you forgot the pie.
Safeway: Multiple locations

PS: Where you won’t get a pie, cake or anything else? Michelle Marie’s Patisserie (yeah, I was thinking of getting one there, too) is closed on Thanksgiving

He smokes. He drinks. He cusses. He once ate a still-beating Cobra heart. And suffice to say that his after 2am antics are, uh, legendary in the foodie world.

If ever a chef approached rock-star status, Anthony Bourdain…well, he’d probably give them a good smack down and spit in their food. (Of Jamie Oliver, the babeish ‘Naked Chef’, Bourdain once said, “That guy is neither naked nor a chef.” Ouch.)

Once the venerated chef of New York’s Les Halles (and the best-seller Kitchen Confidential), Bourdain has all but given up his chef’s whites to travel the world in search of food, trouble (you can see his show ‘No Reservations’ on the Travel Channel)…and fawning fans.

Tonight, Bourdain graces Sonoma to regale a sold-out audience with tales of eating and excess in his contribution to the new collection of chef essays, ‘How I Learned to Cook’.

If you can’t make the show, don’t worry. Chances are Bourdain will be searching out pig snouts, chicken feet or some other equally strange delicacy around our parts well into the wee hours of the morning. At least, we hope so. (Tony, feel free to call me. Anytime.)

Anthony Bourdain: 7pm, Andrews Hall, 276 E. Napa St., Sonoma
$5, EVENT SOLD OUT, but a limited number of tickets available at the door.

Good judgment can be such a burden. At least that’s what I hear.

Unrestrained by such things, my going 30 miles for a crab sandwich seemed like a perfectly sensible thing to do on a Wednesday afternoon…
…in the beating rain
…while I was supposed to be at work
…at speeds which may have, at one point or two, exceeded the legal limit.

Because (and here is where I justify everything) it was the first day of Dungeness Crab season.

Destination: Spud Point Crab Co.

Why bother? Mounds of hand-picked, feathery light crab piled onto a warm French roll, slathered with Thousand-island (ish) dressing. Fresh crab cakes. Eating chowder on the docks among hundreds of colorful crab pots while fishermen literally run to their boats in the opening days of the season.

Suddenly, thirty miles suddenly doesn’t seem quite so far. Or so crazy.

Spud Point Crab Company: 1860 Westshore Road, Bodega Bay, 707.875.9472. Open 8am to 5pm, 7 days a week

Need to kick it up a notch this Thanksgiving? Bam! The brand-spankin’ new Popeye’s Chicken in Rohnert Park (ca c’est bon) is offering pre-cooked Cajun fried turkeys (about $49 for a 10.5 pounder) all week. Yep. Fried turkey.

Spicier than a busload of sorority girls headed for Mardi Gras, this bird is gay-ron-teed to keep your tastbuds tingling through halftime, Aunt Lizzie’s slideshow and little Annabelle’s performance of ‘Oklahoma!’

Yes, laissez les bon temps roulez and stuff your face with sides of sweet potato casserole, oyster cornbread casserole, a handful of biscuits and honey…and, oh my god yes, the world’s best red beans and rice (the secret’s in the bacon fat).

Because hey ya’ll, even us Californians like to get our cajun on from time to time.

Popeye’s Chicken: 3 Padre Parkway, Rohnert Park, 707.588.8340

PS: Post holiday, there’s plenty of fried crayfish and Boss sauce to keep your belly humming like a Zydeco band on Friday night. Eye-eee!

You could wake up at 4am and stick your hand into the backside of a frozen turkey. You could slave away in the kitchen all day just to have your mother tell you the potatoes are lumpy and the gravy lacks her special touch. And, you mostly likely will find yourself beneath a pile of dishes reaching to the ceiling as the last guest bids a fond farewell.

Or, you could make Thanksgiving reservations. And remain sane.

Now, I’m not knocking aprons and pumpkin pie and spending all day obsessing about whether the turkey is the exact right shade of brown. (Okay, I am.) But like most of you, I’ve been there, done that and got the dressing-stained t-shirt to prove it. This year, let someone else to the cooking.

Here are some of the North Bay’s best bets for Turkey Day, from restaurants to complete meals ready for pickup. Get ready to be thankful.

EATING OUT

* El Dorado Kitchen
405 First St. West, Sonoma, 707.996.3030
High-end dining on the Sonoma square, serving an a la carte menu from 3 to pm. Chef Ryan Fancher is a French Laundry alum, and his meticulous dishes show it. (* items are BiteClub picks)

* The Lodge at Sonoma
1325 Broadway, Sonoma, 707.931.2042
Three-course prix fixe dinner from 2 to pm featuring roast Sonoma Willie Bird turkey, sugar pumpkin and Gruyere soup. Reservations required, $50 per person, $25 for children 4-12. See the menu

*Hurley’s Restaurant and Bar6518 Washington St, Yountville, 707.944.2345
Thanksgiving feast with all the trimmings, plus regular menu items. A favorite with locals, Hurley’s has a Mediterranean flair and is one of the few spots in town open past nine (they have a 9pm to midnight menu).

*John Ash
4350 Barnes Road, Santa Rosa, 707.575.7350
Luxurious setting at a restaurant that has become a SoCo institution. Few openings are left, so you’ll need to call ahead. Both traditional and non-traditional choices. $58 per person

Etoile Restaurant at Domaine Chandon
One California Dr., Yountville
Prix-fixe 3-course menu featuring butternut soup, turkey (along with other options) and dessert, plus Chandon wines. $85 per person including wine pairing, $65 per person without pairing. Special menu for children. Chris Manning is a promising chef, but hasn’t yet risen to the status of other Napa super-stars. But, come on, that’s a tall order. See the menu

Napa Valley Grille
6795 Washington St., Washington Square, Yountville, 707.944.8686
Family-style Thanksgiving dinner at this casual-dining chain. Plus: Promises of plenty of leftovers to take home. $65 per person. The Grille offers casual Wine Country dining with a terrific patio. On Thanksgiving, a limited menu will be served in the main dining room.

The Inn at the Tides
800 Coast Highway One, Bodega Bay, 800.541.7788
Thanksgiving Day feast from 1 to 8pm. Traditional Roasted Turkey, Seafood Fettuccine, Pacific Halibut, Grilled Filet Mignon, Roasted Lamb Shank and much more. Reservations strongly suggested.

Safari West
3115 Porter Creek Road, Santa Rosa, 707.579.2551
Celebrate Thanksgiving in Africa, well sort of. The local animal refuge offers dinner amidst giraffes, lemurs and possibly a few anxious-looking wild guinea fowl. Reservations essential, $35 for adults and $15 for children, 11am

Nectar Restaurant
3555 Round Barn Boulevard, Santa Rosa, 707.569.5525
Thanksgiving buffet from 11am to 3:30pm. $29.95 for adults, $14.95 for kids. Hey, it’s a buffet, and what could be bad about that?

Seafood Brasserie
170 Railroad St, Santa Rosa, 707.636.7388
Three-course prix-fixe menu: Willie Bird turkey, pear and baby spinach salad, seafood bisque, crab cakes and more. $32 per person

Willie Bird’s Restaurant
1150 Santa Rosa Ave., Santa Rosa, 707.542.0861
Family-favorite serving up delightful Willie Birds. Full holiday turkey dinner along with other menu items. Reservations required.
Closed on Thanksgiving: Syrah Bistro, Flavor Bistro, Cyrus, Zazu.

TAKE IT HOME

* Pearson & Co.
2759 4th St., Santa Rosa, 707.541.3868
Must order by Monday the 20th. A la carte Thanksgiving menu ready for pick up Wednesday or Thursday morning. Creative flavors done by one of SR’s best caterers. See the menu.

*TURDUCKEN!!
Martindale’s Quality Meats & Deli
5280 Aero Dr, Santa Rosa, 707.545.0531
Haven’t tried a Turducken? Martindales does a solid job of this Southern favorite “a turkey stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken. Guaranteed to make an impression. $6.99 per pound. Order in advance.

*Zazu3535 Guerneville Road, Santa Rosa, 523.4814
Restaurant-prepared Thanksgiving sides available for pickup Tuesday and Wednesday. Just like having Duskie and John in your kitchen.

Whole Foods Market
1181 Yulupa, Santa Rosa, 707.575.7915
Holiday table: Full turkey dinner or a la carte. Whole Foods meat is typically juicy and well-seasoned, sides can be a little bland, soup is delightful, and pumpkin pies are usually pretty darned good. Overall, a solid choice. Order in advance.

Oliver’s Market
560 Montecito Ctr, Santa Rosa, 707.537.7123
Complete turkey dinner for $99.99

Pacific Market
1465 Town and Country Dr, Santa Rosa, 707.546.3663
Complete turkey dinner, $119

Do you have a favorite? What about non-traditional choices like Chinese or Thai? Tell me.

Got a tip? Email me at biteclub@pressdemo.com.

Truffle season is here, and with it, some of the strangest antics known to the food world. Like, say, paying $160,000 for a giant white truffle?

Reports say an anonymous bidder in Hong Kong coughed up the money for a 3.3 pound whopper at the annual Worldwide Alba White Truffle Auction in Italy this week. What’s next? The truffle will be shaved, sliced and pressed into an array of dishes at the Hong Kong Ritz-Carlton hotel for a charity dinner. No word yet on how much a plate will set you back.

Unfamiliar with the insanity that is truffle fever? The long and short of it is that, like stinky cheese and many other malodorous things we gourmands enjoy sticking in our craws, a big part of the satisfaction is in the smell. In the case of truffles, it’s a sort of leafy, dirty scent-though it can vary depending on when and where it was found. Some people love it, others loathe it. But regardless, you’re gonna pay for it.

Also astonishingly hard to find (usually dug up by specially trained pigs or dogs), a single ounce can go for hundreds of dollars. In fact, some local chefs we talked to said the price has gone so high this year, they frankly can’t afford to sell it.

But don’t give up, truffle lovers. Local restaurants are celebrating the season, regardless of the pricetag:

– Cyrus (29 N. Healdsburg St., Healdsburg, 707.433.3311)
Seven dishes on the current menu are served with truffles as a “supplement”. In other words, you’ll pay extra, but the chef highly recommends you make the splurge.

– Dry Creek Kitchen ( 317 Healdsburg Ave., Healdsburg,707.431.0330)
Staff say at least one item on the menu includes truffles, currently

– Rumored to have truffles (though yet to be confirmed): Poggia in Sausalito; La Toque in Napa.

– And, the biggest and best: Truffle dinners at Oliveto (5655 College Ave, Oakland, 510.547.5356). Nov. 14-17! I haven’t done the truffle dinner, personally, but I have eaten my way through the Whole Hog dinner, and frankly, Paul Canales doesn’t do things half way. Call ahead for reservations, as this event usually sells out.

Did I miss any? Do you have a favorite? Let BiteClub know…

Yak cheese is big news.

Having just returned from a week in Italy where he commiserated with thousands of farmers and chefs, local poultry king Jim Reichardt (the Liberty Duck guy) gave BiteClub the download on this year’s big event–which included a plan to boost imports of Tibetan yak’s milk cheese.

(Lost in translation? Terra Madre, as uber-foodies will be glad to discuss at length, is a conflagration of great minds from around the world thinking in unison about food, farming, pesticides, indigenous cultures and all manner of issues regarding what we put in our mouths. Think of it as the UN of Edibility.)

Now, in the whole scheme of things, what’s so important about yak milk’s cheese? Plenty, if you’re a Tibetan yak farmer. In recent years, the surplus of milk from their herds has been aged into gourmet cheese for the European and US market. That, in turn means some cold, hard cash for Tibetan herders who view indoor plumbing as exotic. And that, in turn, means a little help for a 10,000 year-old nomadic culture which has fallen on some pretty hard times.

So, a little idea (yak milk cheese) is actually a pretty big idea: Preserving native cultures. Literally.

Other Terra Madre 2006 issues: The increasing prevalence of genetically modified foods; how to feed millions of indigenous people who are losing their crops and food culture; or why it might be a good idea to process (ie: slaughter) drought-stricken animals in Africa as a valuable food source for people. Phew.

Part of the whole Slow Foods movement, Terra Madre is all about bringing together different cultures and viewpoints, cultivating ideas, letting them germinate, and hopefully having some sort of impact on what we put on our plates.

Don’t be surprised, then, if you get an earful from one of the 25 local folks (mostly chefs and farmers) who went with Reichardt to the conference and are now pretty much brimming with ideas and inspiration on how to change how we eat.

Just offer them a little yak cheese while they do.

Learn more about Terra Madre http://www.terramadre2006.org/terramadre/welcome_eng.lasso

Learn more about Yak cheese http://www.cowsoutside.com/yak_cheese.html

Order Yak cheese
http://www.igourmet.com/shoppe/prodview.asp?cat=&subcat=&prod=1270

Recently Sebastopol’s tiny K&L Bistro received a highly coveted Michelin star, along with a handful of other well-known Wine Country haunts. Gasps were heard ’round the North Bay as eager diners saw any hope of immediate seating disappear faster than a cassoulet on a cold winter night. Right?
Not necessarily. Despite serious misgivings, Bite Club decided to head for K & L on lazy Monday afternoon for lunch. The backup plan: a Big Mac and fries on my way back to the office. And trust me; I already had my cup holder cleaned out for the supersized-Diet Coke.
Holding my breath as I headed down Main Street and stepped inside, the bistro was all but empty. Empty? Turns out lunch time is the right time, especially on a Monday, after 1:30pm. (But don’t tell your neighbor, who’s been waiting a week to get a dinner reservation.)
What’s up with that? Staff tell me that weeknights and primetime weekend times can indeed be busy and short on seating as folks hear about the Michelin star, but early week lunches and dinners still tend to be relatively quiet. So come early (before 5:30pm) or late (after 7:30pm), sit at the bar, or just skip out of work for an hour or two (which I think is by far the best choice) and savor a little mid-day indulgence. No waiting.
Sitting at the banquet by myself, it was easy to see that afternoon diners were mostly locals dropping by for a quick bite, take out, or business lunch, chatting it up with the staff and each other. Somehow, that made the experience feel more casual and authentic, rather than sitting elbow to elbow with out-of-towners.
So, if you’re really jonesing for a little French onion soup gratinee, a harvest fruit tart, or the lip-smacking Petrole sole (with lemon butter, shallots and the bistro’s famous fries), we’ll meet you at K & L’s cozy banquet for a little lunchtime nosh. Just don’t tell your boss.
PS: Don’t worry that you’re missing out by eating lunch, rather than dinner. The bistro features many of its signature dishes (including the soup, risotto, sole, steak frites and crab cakes) on both menus, so nooners won’t be getting a substantially different experience food-wise.
K & L Bistro: 119 S. Main St., Sebastopol, (707) 823-6614

Petit fours are quite possibly the cutest food ever invented, making them compulsory for any event involving:

• Tea
• Pregnant women
• Meeting-your-mother-in-law
• Any combination of the aforementioned.

Homemade? Phooey. Get your desserts the old-fashioned way–with a credit card. Conveniently located near the Petaluma Factory Outlet mall, Divine Delights operates a small outlet store from their Petaluma bakery.

With everything from Mice-A-Fours (which contain no actual mice) to chocolate truffle, raspberry, strawberry and lemon-flavored petit fours, there’s a taste for just about every palate. And, at about $1 a piece (some run slightly higher), they’re a bargain, which should really please your mother-in-law.

Divine Delights
1250 Hold Road
Petaluma
800.443.2836
www.divinedelights.com

Stay tuned for their debut on the Food Network’s “Unwrapped”, Nov. 6, 7 and 10.

Unless you have A). A Jewish mother or B). Survived flu season in Manhattan, you may not understand why I have spent the last five hours looking for Matzo ball soup in Santa Rosa.

Suffice to say that on a cold, rainy, absolutely miserable Wine Country day, Matzo ball soup (think of it as chicken soup with a Yiddish accent) simultaneously wraps you in warmth and, at least psychologically, drives off any potential bacteria that might have the chutzpah to infect your wet, tired body. You think I’m kidding? Okay, just ask any mom how many times she’s cured a cold with cream of leek soup. I rest my spoon.

Two SR restaurants are rumored to have the magic elixir. Of them, Mac’s Kosher Deli (630 4th St, Santa Rosa, 707.545.3785) seems the most likely candidate.

“Oh honeeeeey,” says a woman who sounds like my Eastern European great grandmother. “Ve used to have ze most wonderful Matzo ball soup. But ze cook, she took the recipe with her when she left. Ve don’t have it anymore.” My grief at this news is palpable. “Honeeeeey,” she says as consolingly as possible. “Ve have a wonderful turkey noodle. You’ll love it.” Close, but no Manichewitz.

Following a food blog rumor, Anatolia (527 4th St Santa Rosa (707.527.7799) may have what I’m jonesing for. “White bean is the soup today,” the woman at the other end of the phone tells me. Uh, no Matzo? She pauses. “Um. Noooooo.” Have you ever had it? “Not that I know of,” she says. Argh.

Consulting my dwindling list of Matzo-maybes, I call Josh Silvers, chef at Syrah (205 5th St, Santa Rosa, 707.568.4002). I’m told this boy knows from Matzo. “We do a great Matzo ball soup at Passover!” he says. “It’s the schmaltz, you know. That’s what makes it so good.” In other words, chicken fat.

Nice to know, but, I mean right now? Today? No. He’s up to his knees in heirloom tomato soup.

I’m 0-and-2 and my stomach’s hitting the four quarter. In a pinch, Matzo’s got a secret Thai equivalent: Tom Ka Gai. Think of it as a more fragrant Matzo without, um, the Matzo balls and a whole bunch of lemongrass, coconut milk, lime and cilantro instead of just plain broth. Okay, its not really anything like Matzo ball soup, but it seems to have the same sort of effect, opening up sinuses, warming the cockles and such. California Thai (522 7th St, Santa Rosa, 707.573.1441) has one of the simplest, but most satisfying versions (Tom Ka Kai) with mushrooms, lots of chicken and a sweet, tart tang of lime and coconut milk.

Still calling around, by 5pm, I’m resigned to the fact that I’m not going to find Matzo today. If nothing else, however, I’ve collected a list of some of my other favorites soups while dreaming of my unfound Matzo. The list…

> Best mushroom Chanterelle mushroom soup with crema and scallions
Café Saint Rose (465 Sebastopol Avenue, Santa Rosa 707.546.2459)

>Best Pho (Vietnamese noodle and meat soup)
Pho Vietnam (711 Stony Point Rd # 8, Santa Rosa, 707.571.7687)

> Best Miso soup
Hiro’s Japanese Restaurant (107 Petaluma Blvd N, Petaluma, 707.763.2300)

> Best Prepared Soups
Safeway Signature Soups: Tuscan Tomato Bisque, Baked Potato with Bacon, Autumn Butternut Squash
Whole Foods: Mushroom Spinach

>Italian soup
Café Citti (19049 Hwy. 12, Kenwood, 707.833.2690)

>Tomato basil
Checkers (523 4th St.,Santa Rosa, 707.578.4000)

What are your favorites?