When it rains it pours. Healdsburgers are atwitter at the news that a new sausagerie and frites spot called Wurst will be opening at 22 Matheson near Relish Culinary in the coming months. The space formerly housed a shoe store and salon.
Mirepoix to become Momma Pig
When BiteClub reported that Mirepoix was closing for “renovations”, there was a nagging doubt that they’d reopen anytime soon. Owner Matthew Bousquet, despite earning a Michelin star this year, had publicly expressed concerns over the haute restaurant’s bottom line. Added to the continuing doldrums surrounding the Town Green, it wasn’t surprising to hear this week that Mirepoix would be history.
The good news however: Bousquet and his wife plan to reopen the restaurant as a family-friendly barbecue spot this summer called Momma Pig. The success of the couple’s original French bistro concept will hopefully port over to the Bousquet’s other Windsor restaurant, Bistro M.
Bad Fishy
with·draw·al (w
-drô
l, w
th-) n. Those side effects experienced by a person who has become physically dependent on a substance, upon decreasing the substance’s dosage or discontinuing its use.
I blame addiction – and its close if disagreeable cousin, withdrawal – for the awful plate of fish we ate the other night. To be fair, it’s my fault; I know better than to take down $70 worth of raw fish and temperamental garnishes from a place I’ve never been, especially in Sonoma County, where we’re not exactly known for old-school Japanese cuisine (and yes, I’m well acquainted with the brilliant Ken-san at Hana, the proverbial exception that proves the rule). But my wife and I are addicted to the stuff – if there’s a purer expression of food than expertly prepared edomae-style sushi, I don’t know it – and so, like a crack addict too long between fixes, we occasionally make poor judgment calls.
Such was the case on Tuesday, when time was short, the kids were freaking for blood sugar, and neither my spouse nor I had had our raw-fish fix in weeks, at least. So we took a chance, on a well-known and well-reviewed place close to home, and holy crap, did it ever suck. I really hate to say bad things about nice people, and they were indeed very nice, and even seemed to be trying despite the appalling results, so I’m not going to name names. But I would like to share with you some bad omens, the sushi-storm warnings I could and should have heeded, the signposts that I hope will save you a belly full of blech and wallet full of cash.
Handicapping Sushi: 6 Simple Rules
- Complexity of Menu. This should have been my first tip-off, a menu the size of the local yellow pages. A sushi menu should fit on an index card, with the vast majority of offerings changing as “specials”, depending on what just came in. (The same concept applies to their cooked food, but only to a degree – one can get exceptional hot food at a great sushi restaurant, and conversely, but the raw fish must always be the star.)
- Silly Roll Quotient. Sushi is about restraint, and I have a simple rule: If there are more rolls than types of fish, go somewhere else; if those rolls sound like they require a structural engineer to assemble and have silly names, run like hell; and if soft shell crab is offered year round, well, soft shell crab season is measured in weeks, so do the math.
- Gimmick Factor. Great sushi depends on three things, and only three things: perfect fish, perfect rice, and proper execution. If a restaurant feels compelled to serve you in ninja outfits, float your food down a mock stream like It’s a Small World, or refers to itself by any word other than “sushi”, “bar”, or “restaurant”, then it’s going to be problematic. I won’t even comment on the ones that offer foods other than Japanese, or “all you can eat”.
- Date-Stamp. Unless you already know and trust the chef, always check when the fish came in. If they tell you “all the time”, they’re lying; if it’s a Monday, get a pizza; and even if it is a delivery day, if they won’t clearly delineate what just came in, and what didn’t, you’re in the wrong place.
- Size Matters. A piece of sushi is meant to be eaten in a single bite; all these huge slabs of fish atop mountains of rice were invented for American gluttons and are irredeemably disgusting. It’s simple: it’s OK, if a bit gauche, to bite it in two if that’s what floats your boat, but never sushi that won’t easily fit in your mouth.
- Rice Matters. No matter how good the fish is, if the rice is substandard, the meal will fail. I’m obviously not going to say that the health risks are of the same order of magnitude, but as a benchmark for a good sushi restaurant, rice is the simplest and cheapest test, in part because a true sushi chef must master rice before they’re allowed anywhere near a knife. Sushi rice should be mildly tacky, but not overly sticky; nicely seasoned and slightly sweet, but not overpowering; the grains should be fully cooked through easy to bite through, but with a coherent outer edge and a distinct border between them; and must never be cold (the finest is every so slightly warmer than the fish).
Top 10 Beer & Sunshine Spots
Dear BiteClub
Where are the best places to get a beer/drink in the sunshine? For such an outdoorsy place, most places are so indoors and gloomy.
– Seasonally Affected and Disorderly
Dear SAD,
You are so right. Many of the best spots for beer happen to be, well, a little gloomy. Or tiny. Or like you’re sitting inside an ashtray.
But fear not, there’s hope, Sudsters! Because what’s better than drinking a little hops and barley in the sunshine? Come out of the cave, oh bearded beer drinkers and into the bright light of day! BiteClub’s Top 10 spots for beer and sunshine.
1. Lagunitas Tap Room (Petaluma)
2. Underwood Bar & Bistro (Graton)
3. Coppola winery’s Rustic Restaurant (or by the newly opened pool)
4. Bear Republic (Healdsburg)
5. Hopmonk (Sonoma/Sebastopol)
6. Healdsburg Bar and Grill
7. Stumptown Brewery (Guerneville)
8. Blue Label at the Belvedere (Santa Rosa)
9. Demsey’s (Petaluma)
10. Rocker Oysterfeller’s (Bodega Bay)
REVISED: You guys are right, I did miss a few big ones. Thanks for the insight.
Do you have some favorites I missed? Add ’em below. Got a question for BiteClub? Email me at heather@biteclubeats.com
Egg & Breakfast Recipe: Wine Country Recipe Challenge
CONTEST CLOSED: WINNER
Huevos Benedictos
Do you have the BEST Egg & Breakfast Recipe in Wine Country?
Welcome to the inaugural month of a year-long Best Wine Country Recipe Challenge. From April through March 2012, BiteClub is on the hunt for great cooks from Sonoma, Napa, Mendocino, Lake and all of the Northbay to submit your Wine Country recipes each month.
The Idea: For the next 11 months, BiteClub will ask readers to submit original recipes in one of 11 categories — from eggs to beef — that use at least ONE local ingredient and showcase your originality, creativity and good taste. I’ll recipe test the most promising submissions and pick one winner each month whose recipe reigns supreme. At the end of the year, we’ll host a cook-off between the winners (but don’t be surprised if a few runners-up show up as well) for the Best Wine Country Recipe.
How it works: Using the comments below, submit your recipe for this month’s category: Eggs & Breakfast Recipes. Recipes must be original (no fair stealing from your favorite cookbook — family recipes, your grandma, your mom or best friend are great resources, though. Recipes for each month’s category must be received by the end of the month.
April: Eggs & Breakfast Recipes
We’re looking for recipes for omelets, stratas, frittatas, pancakes, waffles, oatmeal, anything with bacon, quiches, souffles…whatever. Make sure your recipe includes ONE local ingredient. That can be anything from local eggs, milk or butter to local fruits and vegetables.
Deadline for this month’s recipes: April 28
THIS MONTH’S WINNER WILL RECEIVE:
– Breakfast for TWO at Jeffrey’s Hillside Cafe
– Your recipe on the Menu at Jeffrey’s for one day
– Eligibility to compete in the Best Wine Country Recipe Cookoff
Confused? Check out my Holiday Cookie Contest Each December I ask for submissions for holiday cookies and bake up the best.
The Fine Print: I won’t exclude pros, but really, this is about everyday eats. I want folks to find great recipes from their aunts, grandmas, dads, friends…whatever. This is about SONOMA COUNTY! If I find out that your recipe is intentionally plagiarized, you will automatically be disqualified and I will ridicule you publicly. Full rules here
Think you’ve got what it takes?
Submit your recipe in the comments section below, or email me at heather@biteclubeats.com. Want to send it by snailmail?
Heather Irwin/BiteClub
427 Mendocino Ave
Santa Rosa, CA 95401
In-n-Out Animal Spread, Home Edition
Tomorrow is Cleaning Day in our house. Of the 7 of us in residence, 2 are cats and 3 are children, none of whom visibly appreciates either basic hygiene or the fundamentals of picking up after one’s self, so Cleaning Day is a big deal. Of course, my wife and I try to chip away at the trail of dirty clothes, random toys, and partially digested rodents that the 5 littles leave in their wake – OK, mainly my wife – but the trend is inexorably downward, and without Cleaning Day, our house would quickly approximate something out of a documentary on Hurricane Katrina. And that won’t do.
So, while my wife proscribes many activities on Cleaning Day, she justifiably reserves a special place for Messy Cooking, including, inter alia, anything involving a stand mixer, hand-made pasta, or my penchant for hot cast iron and spattering grease. All of which is for the best, not only because the house returns (if briefly) to a livable state, but because the night preceding Cleaning Day invariably means willful kitchen destruction, and that, as often as not, means burger night.
I really like burgers – as my kids would say, alottalottalot. I get excited just thinking about biting into a hot, salty exterior crust that gives way to a cooler, crumbly interior, full of beefy flavor; the gently toasted bun that can’t quite keep the juices from oozing down between my fingers; the tang of a ripe tomato, the cool crisp of good lettuce and snappy pickles, the richness of melting cheese and fresh mayonnaise… That whole last-meal thing? One could do worse than the deceptive simplicity of a perfect burger. And while burger perfection in toto is beyond the scope of a single post, I would like to share one little bit of hard-won knowledge, the condiment.
Reasonable people might disagree about the virtues of the frightfully expensive hautes burgers popping up around the County, but I doubt that many would impugn the greasy, evil genius of In-N-Out’s Animal Style offering . That being said, the dirty little secret of getting it on Animal Style is that it’s mainly about the condiments, and if you don’t mind the extra hassle, it’s kinda like nookie, you can do it better at home. And while those quintessentially fondue-like onions may take some time, the famed “spread” is about as easy as it gets.
In-N-Out Animal Spread, SoCo Home Style
In-N-Out “spread” is essentially 1,000-island dressing; the key is to use good pickles, and to get the proportions right. I’ve found that I prefer proportionately less mayo than they use, and that it makes great sense to add lots more pickles to the spread and forgo adding whole slices of pickle entirely (partly because I like my foods relatively high-acid, but mainly because you get the same flavor profile, but with a more even distribution and superior structural integrity – i.e., no “sliding” – when they’re in the sauce).
Ingredients: Mayo (preferably homemade, but not essentially so), Ketchup (preferably Heinz, organic version is OK), Yellow Mustard (French’s is great, but I used Safeway’s “O” house-brand organic to fine effect), and Pickles (minced, ideally from Alexander Valley Gourmet or similar)
Method: Add 1/4C each of the mayo, ketchup, and minced pickles to a small mixing bowl. Add 1T of the mustard. Mix everything to combine. Adjust to taste – you may wish to add a bit of mayo, and possibly some vinegar and sugar, if you want it to taste more like the In-N-Out version; but otherwise, you’re done.
Easter Brunch 2011
Get ready for Easter Brunch, 2011.
On this high holy day of pigging out, luxe (and not so luxe) hotel restaurants have long dominated the Easter Brunch game, with extravagantly overindulgent buffets and the scalability to accommodate pastel-dressed families (and sticky fingered children). But many restaurants do a swell job as well, offering up prix fixe and a la carte meals catering to the steam-table averse.
Whatever your persuasion, budget or taste, there’s an invitation to the table on April 24…
Most Extravagantabulous Easter Brunch: Sante at Sonoma Mission Inn
Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it can buy you access to a brunch whose sheer magnitude and luxury will at least put a smile of contentment on your face for a few days. The Michelin-starred resort restaurant gilds every lily with an all-you-can-eat spread that includes jumbo shrimp cocktail, Loch Duart salmon, organic chicken roulades, charcuterie, artisan cheeses and five salads to start. Chefs carving stations wield five kinds of smoked fish with caviar; roast prime rib, and Marin Sun Farms’ leg of lamb. From 10am to 2pm, toques make omelets to order, and from 2-6pm, the station switches to classic crepes to order. Entrees include braised short ribs, classic Benedicts, salmon, mushroom ravioli with black truffle in addition to grilled vegetable platters, a bread station and more than 20 desserts (croissant bread pudding, peanut butter crisp with salted caramel mousse, panna cotta, chocolate strawberries, macaroons, fruit “martinis”). A hefty $89 pp, $44.50 for children keeps it classy, but even high rollers may need to loosen their belts a few notches to accommodate the bounty of good eats. Live entertainment, Monsieur Easter Bunny, clown and egg hunts at 11am and 2pm. Reservations required. 100 Boyes Blvd, Sonoma, 939-2415.
Rendez Vous Bistro: 10am to 4pm Sunday; a la carte menu includes crab stuffed deviled eggs, eggs Benedict, brandied pecan french toast, grilled spiced lamb loin, steak frites. Kids under 10 eat free.
Della Fattoria: Throughout the weekend, breakfast and lunch all day with mimosas, eggs Bennie, biscuits and gravy, polenta and egg, crab Louis, chicken pot pie, braised baby artichoke.
Santi: 10am to 2:30pm Sunday; eggs Benedetto with brown butter Hollandaise, pork and beans with slow roasted pork belly, Frangelico french toast, wood oven pizzas, roasted leg of lamb with polenta. 2097 Stagecoach Road, Suite 100, Santa Rosa, 528-1549
Breakaway Cafe: Sunday a la carte lunch with spring omelet, petit Filet Mignon and Eggs, lemon sour cream pancakes with strawberries and creme fraiche. 19101 Sonoma Hwy, Sonoma, 996-5949.
Rocker Oysterfellers: 10am to 3pm features creole deviled farm eggs, praline bacon, picnic ham on buttermilk biscuits with pepper jelly, hot cross buns, duck & dumplings, Southern style eggs Benedict with braised greens and black eyed peas; pulled lamb tostadas, with plenty of cocktails from the bar including Mason Jar Bacon Spiked Bloody Mary’s with house pickled beans. Easter eggs hidden throughout the patio for kids. 14415 Highway One, Valley Ford
Best Brunch to Eat in Your Pajamas: Pearson and Co.
Who needs to cook when there’s all that egg-finding and candy-eating to do. Pearson & Co. offers up their a la carte menu with everything from soup and deviled eggs to quiche, Brandy Orange Lamb Shank, spiral cut ham and leek and saffron risotto. Orders must be placed by Thursday April 21. Full menu at pearsonandco.com, 2759 Fourth St., Santa Rosa, 541-3868.
Best Spot for an Outdoor Brunch: French Garden
A new(ish) chef in the kitchen has brought a much-needed breath of life to this long-struggling Sebastopol restaurant that’s always had huge potential. Exec chef Patrick Quillec embraces the bio-intensively grown produce from the restaurant’s own three-acre farm, making for a truly farm-to-table experience. Easter Buffet includes creme brulee french toast, eggs Benedict with citrus hollandaise or ginger carrot soup; beet and goat cheese salad; Clementine, asparagus and argil salad with ricotta; halibut with peas and carrot butter sauce; braised short ribs; roast ham with maple syrup glaze; Masami Wagyu beef top round; roast leg of lamb; Swiss chard; spiced potatoes, housemaid sausage chorizo and homemade breads (including scones with Clementine jam). For dessert: eclairs, Napolean, chocolate jelly bean cupcakes. $38 pp adults, $19 children; kids 5 and under free. 10am to 3pm, 8050 Bodega Ave., Sebastopol, 824-2030.
Best High Roller Brunch in Santa Rosa: John Ash & Co.
Get someone with deep pockets to treat you to this top-notch holiday spread. Instead of a buffet, Chef Tom does a hearty Easter menu with some of the restaurant’s best bets: Sonoma Onion Soup, Dungeness crab cakes, Costeaux sourdough French Toast, smoked Gleason farms pork tenderloin with crispy pork belly, Gleason Farms chicken and waffles, braised veal cheeks and lamb tenderloin. Entrees from $16 to $27, brunch from 10am to 3pm. John Ash and Co., 4350 Barnes Rd,. Santa Rosa, 575.7350.
Best brunch before taking a bike ride: Brasserie, Hyatt Vineyard Creek
Located just steps from the Prince Memorial Greenway, the sunny Brasserie in Santa Rosa’s Railroad Square offers up an a la carte Easter brunch menu featuring a lineup of breakfasty Benedicts and scrambles if you’re in a rush or heartier multi-coursed dishes including a Humboldt Fog tomato galette; sesame crusted seared ahi tuna; Seafood Louie Salad; grilled Scottish salmon with sour cream chive mashed potatoes; or roast leg of lamb if you’ve got a little more time. Dishes are $10 to $24. Chef Richard Whipple has a deft touch that makes this a solid pick head and shoulders above typical hotel steam table spreads. 170 Railroad Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95401 Tel 707-636-7388.
Best Student-Chef Brunch: CIA Greystone
For the first year, the Culinary Institute of America in St. Helena will feature an a la carte Easter brunch prepared by chefs training to work in the country’s top restaurants. Egg frittata, Spring Lamb Tartare with quail eggs ($14), roast ham with Gruyere gratin and asparagus ($24), strawberry crepes with lemon creme ($8). Children’s menu available. 2555 Main Street, St. Helena, 967-1010.
Best Secret Spot: Glen Ellen Inn Oyster Grill & Martini Bar
Nestled quietly away in Glen Ellen, this couple-run restaurant has upped it’s game, now serving an eclectic all-day menu with small plates & big salads in additional to it’s signature oysters and heartier fare (Sourdough crusted Rack of Spring Lamb with rhubarb-huckleberry pan sauce, parmesan potatoes and local vegetables, or Crab-Stuffed Tilapia with Saffron & Meyer Lemon cream, cous-cous and arugula micro greens). For Easter, they’ll add several brunch additions including Apple Crisp French Toast ( $10.95 ), Eggs Benedict with pancetta, rustic potatoes & fresh fruit ($12.95 ) or Hangtown Fry ( $13.95). And of course, there will be plenty of Martinis in Easter pastel shades of pink, blue,and green. 13670 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen, 996-6409. Brunch/Lunch 10:30am to 4pm; dinner 5:00-9pm.
Brunch in the Country That’s Close to the City: Zazu
Zazu Restaurant and Farm is just a few miles from downtown Santa Rosa, but this country roadhouse feels a world away, surrounded by farms and vineyards. Hop on in for their $37 pp prix fixe that includes maple bacon donuts; raspberry breakfast buns, chocolate croissants; their Cochon 555-winning “Bacon in the Batter” waffles; fried green tomato BLT Benedict; oxtail and yukon potato skillet with a fried duck egg; Hangtown fry; grilled asparagus with lemon aioli and strawberries with creme fraiche. 3535 Guerneville Road, Santa Rosa, 523-4814.
Wildest Easter Brunch: Safari West
Hunt for Mr. Hare in the wilds of Safari West after brunch in the Savannah Cafe. The six-foot bunny is on the trail of his old rival, Mr. Tortoise and will leave Carrot Clues along the way. 10am and 1pm, April 12. 3115 Porter Creek Road, Santa Rosa, (707) 579-2551. $65 adults, $30 for children.
Most Schnitzel-tastic Brunch: Cafe Europe
A hearty antidote to anything smoked in tea leaves or nestled on a bed of microgreens, Cafe Europe is old school, Old World, rib-stickin’ Deutches-essen. For Easter Brunch, they’ll serve up standards like salmon and crab eggs Benedict along with Wiener Schnitzel and berry bacon Belgium waffles, Coho salmon with mango salsa and apple strudel for dessert. $25pp, 10-2:30pm. A la cart dinner Easter dinner includes wild boar ragout, veal cordon blue, lamb osso buck, roast duck, 4:30 to 8pm. In the St. Francis Shopping Center, 104 Calistoga Road, Santa Rosa, 707.538-5255
Bloody Great: Healdsburg Bar & Grill
Though it’s not exactly brunch, haute burgery, Healdsburg Bar and Grill, plans to offer up their popular Bloody Mary Bar for Easter, in addition to their usual burger and salad fare — a nice touch for tired bunnies. 245 Healdsburg Ave, (707) 433-3333.
Best Help The Community Easter Breakfast: The Kenwood Depot located in the heart of Kenwood in the renowned Sonoma Valley, is a historic landmark. The preservation of the Depot is supported by the Kenwood Community Club. Their major fundraiser is our annual Easter breakfast. This year it is on Saturday April 23. We are excited to introduce Harvey’s Mini Donuts as an added bonus to our homemade, cooked with love breakfast. More details
More Easter Buffets:
Jack & Tony’s Whisky Bar: Strawberries with yogurt, smoked salmon crostini; chilled asparagus; biscuits and gravy; corned beef hash, eggs benedict. $22pp, kids $15. 115 Fourth St., Santa Rosa, 526-4347.
Corks Restaurant at Russian River Vineyards: Dungeness crab bites with Sebastopol Asian Pear, Ham and mushroom strata with home fries; smoked salmon scramble, asparagus omelette with potatoes, $34.95pp. Children’s menu available. 5700 Highway 116 North; Forestville, 887-3344.
Did we miss one of your favorites? Add it in the comments below!
La Rosa Tequileria & Grille | Santa Rosa
Cantina was always the margarita, chips and chimichanga restaurant I wanted to love, but never could. The chips were stale, the margaritas syrupy and the food, well, was only a step above Taco Bell. On a good night. Don’t even get me started on the subway-station bathrooms.
Which is why it’s heartening to see the spacious downtown Santa Rosa cucina reincarnated as La Rosa Tequileria and Grille. Without trying to reinvent the wheel, the new owners have given the restaurant a stylish makeover (beautiful mural, new banquettes and chairs, new bathrooms and a bright open bar), a solidly tasty updated menu, a kick-ass tequila lineup and a more upbeat vibe without taking away it’s approachability, affordability or “let’s go get a margarita and chips” vibe.
Special features include tequila flights and tastings, along with real-deal margaritas — housemaid sweet and sour, rather than the stuff that comes in 20 gallon drums.
Here are some don’t miss eats and drinks:
– The Smokey: Made with Mescal and tequila (with a bit of cranberry), this is a sneak attack of a cocktail that’s rich and smoky and delicious.
– the Diablo: Strawberry meets jalapeno in this saucy little margarita.
– The Cucumber ‘rita: Fresh cucumbers and tequila. ‘Nuff said.
– Scallop ceviche: Not overcooked, not undercooked, with bits of chorizo (better than it sounds) and peppers.
– Killer guac, salsa and chips
– Caramelized plantains with ice cream: Shut up. Just shut up.
– Mini carne asada tacos with pineapple: Sweet, spicy, mini. Can’t eat just one
– Fish tacos: Ahí ahí tacos with bits of fresh orange, cabbage, cilantro and guacamole. Takes me back to Baja.
In short, it finally feels like the place we always wished Cantina could be, but never was. See you on the patio.
La Rosa Tequileria and Grille, 500 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. Open Mon-Thu 11am-10pm; Fri-Sun 11am-2am
Farmhouse vs. Farmhouse
Farmhouse Restaurant in Santa Rosa serves 72 different kinds of omelets, giant plates of hash browns, five-inch tall burgers and milkshakes. Forestville’s Farmhouse Inn is better known for foie gras, rabbit three ways, French Sauternes and having a 2011 Michelin star.
Now you wouldn’t think most folks would confuse the two, but a series of coupons issued by the Santa Rosa diner-style eatery has more than a few thrift-seeking gastronomes trying to cash in at Catherine Bartolomei’s Forestville restaurant.
It started several weeks ago when Bartolomei said she started getting calls from people wanting to use the other Farmhouse’s Buy One Get One 1/2 Price Entree coupons for dinner at her place.
Things escalated when another coupon ran on BiteClub, and Bartolomei said she was bombarded with calls from guests looking to take advantage of what they thought were fire sale prices at the haute Forestville eatery. Adding to the confusion, she says regulars kept asking when she decided to open a diner in Santa Rosa.
Admittedly, I too was taken by surprise when seeing the ads for the first time as well. For a good 15 minutes, I Googled the two, trying to figure out if they were related. You’ll end up with results for both if you type in “Farmhouse” and “Santa Rosa”. In fact, the Farmhouse Restaurant in Santa Rosa is owned by Carol Ferrari and Mike Berges who’ve owned the similarly-named Farm House restaurant in Sebastopol for 19 years.
If you’re keeping score, that’s three farm houses in a 25 mile radius.
For most of us, it’s mostly a giggle. But how the whole name game will play out is still anyone’s guess. Meanwhile, consider yourself warned that you won’t be able to pay for that glass of small production Russian River pinot and day boat scallops at the Farmhouse Inn with your coupon for a free beverage from the Farmhouse Restaurant.
Then again, sometimes all you want is a Coke and a cheeseburger. And I’d bet you there’s a coupon around somewhere for that.
Farmhouse Inn, 7871 River Road, Forestville, 887-3300
Farmhouse Restaurant, 3020 Santa Rosa Avenue, Santa Rosa, 595-1484
Farm House Restaurant, 7824 Covert Lane, Sebastopol, 823-2088
Persnickety Pudding
I spent this week at home with my youngest daughter, the poor thing a cuddly little ball of misery and sick. If childhood illness were a professional sport, she’d have been a lottery pick: ear ache, fever, gravelly cough, the inevitable avalanche of snot – like a highly regarded point guard, she had the complete package. The good news is, she’s feeling much better, and we spent lots of time together. Principally, this meant that I watched her, while she watched cartoons – I’m still trying to extract an ear worm from Dora the Explorer – but it also meant that we got to cook together. When you’re a sick kid, you need comfort, and what’s more comforting than pudding? Unfortunately, ours sucked like the Federal government at tax time, so we’re asking BiteClubbers for help.
But first, let’s talk about pudding. 
It may be unrepentantly trashy, but personally, I can’t get enough of the stuff, especially the old-fashioned, glossy, starch- and gelatin-based sort. Growing up, my absolute favorite treat was the original Snack Pack – are you old enough to remember those stubby little beer cans full of pudding, the ones with the highly questionable pop-top design? (Really, who puts metal pop-tops on a kid’s snack? The 1970s, that’s who.) For all I know, that pudding actually tasted like the synthetic, gelatinous goo it probably was, but get enough drinks in me, and I’ll still wax lyrical about a plastic vat of Kozy Shack to this very day.
In any case, the inimitable Miss M. and I decided to try our hand at home-made pudding, a sort of toddler-friendly version of chicken soup. It’s important that you know that I don’t, as a rule, do desserts; with the notable exception of my wife’s pies, I just don’t care for sweets, and more fundamentally, pastry, broadly construed, is ill-suited to my kitchen: I like to measure by handfuls and pinches, and I follow recipes like I drive, fast and with only the vaguest sense of direction, either of which would sink a pastry chef faster than a bag of rocks.
So, knowing the odds were against us, we dutifully cross-referenced the Joy of Cooking with American Cookery, we dropped by Wyeth Acres for fresh eggs and milk, we scraped seeds from whole vanilla beans, and we cobbled together a make-shift bain-Marie. We tempered our eggs; we stirred ceaselessly over a bare simmer. And for all of that, we ended up with a beautifully-flavored, but thoroughly inedible mess. As my wife succinctly noted, “it looks like Cream of Wheat”, and she was right: our sadsack pudding was a thick, grainy sludge, with a cloying sweetness and an oppressive texture, an entirely flawed and altogether disgusting dessert.
How could we take something so deceptively simple, follow the rules so seemingly carefully, using such good ingredients, and end up with such swill? If you have a tried-and-true recipe for old-fashioned pudding, please send it in, my daughter and I will cook it, and I’ll post the results right here on Bite Club.