There are many things one can reliably consume out of a can. Tuna fish, for one. Soda, certainly. Sardines, black beans, cranberry jelly and other hearty fare, I’ll give you in a pinch.
Cheeseburgers…not so much.
Over the last few months, the Internet has been atwitter with gross-out videos of brave folks video-taping themselves eating a horrific German food product — Cheese Burger In A Can. The result is, as you might guess, fairly gag-inducing and makes one thankful, for once, not to have Smell-0-Vision.
Ostensibly the space-aged product is supposed to accompany rugged
backpackers into the wilderness, where out of some ironic need for
urban comforts, one can simply pop the stay-fresh top and tuck into a
hearty burger. Or perhaps be stashed into a survival kit so, as the
apocalypse approaches, you can greet it with the appropriate fanfare.
Fortunately for light packers, the portable mini meal includes the bun,
catsup, a pickle and cheese. No fries. No milkshake. And a special
sauce that truly lives up to it’s name.
According to the Trek ‘N Eat site (which markets the burger) “Nothing
could be easier to prepare: Just heat the can in a water bath, open the
lid, and enjoy your delicious cheeseburger! Never before has it been
easier to prepare a burger in the wilderness within such a short time.
The cheeseburger, which is marketed under the Trek’n Eat label,
guarantees unrestricted enjoyment in the mountains and in other extreme
environments.”
Truly.
But unless you’ve been holed up in a cave for several weeks eating
nothing but berries and you own toe lint, there’s not much to love
about a soggy, dog-food-tastin’ burger that’s been stewing in its own
funk for up to a year. Yep, a year.
Then again, a cheeseburger might come in real handy in the wilderness.
Six ounces of meat, yeast, enzymes and aluminum could easily turn into
a nasty can of whoop ass should you meet a hungry bear or wolverine.
Just pop and toss, then witness the carnage.
Possibly the best use of all.
UPDATE: Yes, I actually did eat one. It was the foulest, nastiest thing I have ever had to suffer through. Think rubber meat patty that tastes like chemicals and grit. Stacked up against four other cold, fast food burgers, I’d take the McDonald’s version any day. At least it just tastes like cold onions instead of something you’d lick off a bathroom floor. Yeah, it was that bad.
Trekking Mahlzeiten Cheeseburger in a can. Not available in the US.
You’ll have to have a friend in Germany willing to send you one. And
get it through customs. But take my word, it’s not worth the hassle.
Approximately 3.95 euros.
Mountain House offers a variety of other tasty camping grub, including
Blueberry Cheesecake, Neopolitan Freeze-Dried Ice Cream, Pasta
Primavera, Chicken Polynesian and flameless heating kits. Available at
Sonoma Outfitters, 145 3rd St, Santa Rosa, (707) 528-1920
