Biscuits are not Tacos: Taco Bell’s New Biscuit Taco

It's not a taco. Or a biscuit. But Taco Bell has released this abomination upon the world anyway.

Chicken Biscuit TacoBiscuits, by their very nature, are not tacos. They are fluffy and light, and crumbly if they’re done right. Tacos are pliable and dense, and not biscuits. So you see the conundrum in the idea of a Chicken Biscuit Taco released today by Taco Bell.

The new breakfast item, which replaces the waffle taco (which at least makes sense shape-wise), is an attempt by Taco Bell’s parent company, Yum! Brands, to continue to stay relevant in the competitive fast food breakfast market. With their sights firmly aimed at McDonald’s (the reigning breakfast giant), the advertising campaigning for the new menu item paint Egg McMuffins as bland and boring.

And boy, has it worked at garnering attention. As you can tell. (Hey, even the New York Times has an article.)

In the interest of culinary journalism, BiteClub, gave the Biscuit Taco a go. The choices included a fried chicken strip and taco “biscuit” with gravy and with jalapeño honey. After conclusive taste tests, the results were indisputable: This is not the fast food abomination you want to be wasting your calories and healthy cholesterol levels on.

The taco? More like a chewy flatbread. The chicken is coated in a Doritos-esque panko crust and — well all we can say is that no chicken should have to die to be made into this.

If you’ve gotta try one, go for the jalapeño honey, which in its cloyingness overpowers the other fried flavors.

Come on Taco Bell, you can do better. Or maybe you can’t. Either way, you’ve gotten our attention and maybe that was the whole point.