Biscuits are not Tacos: Taco Bell’s New Biscuit Taco

It's not a taco. Or a biscuit. But Taco Bell has released this abomination upon the world anyway.

Chicken Biscuit TacoBiscuits, by their very nature, are not tacos. They are fluffy and light, and crumbly if they’re done right. Tacos are pliable and dense, and not biscuits. So you see the conundrum in the idea of a Chicken Biscuit Taco released today by Taco Bell.

The new breakfast item, which replaces the waffle taco (which at least makes sense shape-wise), is an attempt by Taco Bell’s parent company, Yum! Brands, to continue to stay relevant in the competitive fast food breakfast market. With their sights firmly aimed at McDonald’s (the reigning breakfast giant), the advertising campaigning for the new menu item paint Egg McMuffins as bland and boring.

And boy, has it worked at garnering attention. As you can tell. (Hey, even the New York Times has an article.)

In the interest of culinary journalism, BiteClub, gave the Biscuit Taco a go. The choices included a fried chicken strip and taco “biscuit” with gravy and with jalapeño honey. After conclusive taste tests, the results were indisputable: This is not the fast food abomination you want to be wasting your calories and healthy cholesterol levels on.

The taco? More like a chewy flatbread. The chicken is coated in a Doritos-esque panko crust and — well all we can say is that no chicken should have to die to be made into this.

If you’ve gotta try one, go for the jalapeño honey, which in its cloyingness overpowers the other fried flavors.

Come on Taco Bell, you can do better. Or maybe you can’t. Either way, you’ve gotten our attention and maybe that was the whole point.

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11 thoughts on “Biscuits are not Tacos: Taco Bell’s New Biscuit Taco

  1. If you want a chicken biscuit, just go to Chick-Fil-A. We have one now. They’re awesome. Hate the politics, love the food.

  2. Thank you, for protecting the public from this gastronomical menace!

    They chose to try to topple the EggMcMuffin – the closest menu item McD’s has left to actual, real food – with…this tragedy?

    What a missed opportunity. They could’ve gone with a medallion of mex-omelet, cheese, and two thick flour or corn mini-tortillas. Or some sort of omelet wrap, in slices. Or, well…anything but *this*.

    If they really want market share, they should go back to using real ingredients and at least some nod toward “traditional” mexican-american-restaurant breakfast items. Like in this instance, maybe some fast food variation / simplification / mutilation of the following:

    Chorizo con Papas
    Huevos a la Mexicana
    Requesón Revuelto
    Gorditas de Huevos
    Papas en Chile Rojo

    But no. In their infinite wisdom and knowledge of white american culture, they went with…the biscuit taco.

  3. This thing sounds like a Guy Fieri abomination, I think they ripped off his idea. All this creation needs is some Donkey Sauce, and Guy can serve it at his Times Square restaurant. Keep up the innovative work Taco Hell.

  4. Heather, this is RICH. Love that you’re getting more comfortable telling interesting food stories with your camera!

    It definitely needs music underneath it, however, to more properly set the tone.

    I laughed, I nearly cried. Keep up the good work!

    1. Stay tuned, i’m sure there will be someone who calls me a dolt who only goes to fast food restaurants and doesn’t know anything about “real food”. Meh. At least my dog thinks I’m cool.

  5. Oh yikes! Thanks for taking one for the team so none of us have to experience this latest Taco Bell atrocity. Yeeow!

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