‘She’s press, she’s not just weird,’ apologized my friend as I was hunched awkwardly over a plate of cheese stuffed pork, trying to get an elusive shot for my personal pork photo collection. The chef backed away slowly. I’m not sure I blamed her.

Food is a passion for many. But at this weekend’s First Annual Artisan Cheese Festival in Petaluma, it was a downright obsession, as hundreds (including me) stuffed themselves silly with the stinkiest, runniest, most insanely delightful cheeses from SoCo and beyond. Okay, yes, we’re an odd bunch. But come on. It’s the cheese.

I just might need a few days to recover. Hold the chevre.

Top 10 moments from the weekend:

1. Most hilariously domestic demonstration: Nancy Oakes (chef at Boulevard) and Bruce Aidells (the former Sausage King) trying to get through Sunday’s cooking demonstration. We know who wears the chef’s toque in this relationship. And she doesn’t have a beard.

2. Most klepto moment: Stealing a bottle of McEvoy Ranch olive oil from my dinner table.

3. Best use of goat’s milk (not in cheese): Bodega Goat Cheese’s Natilla. A creamy, molasses dessert that had us swooning. For $4!

4. Best entrée at the gala dinner: Midnight Moon poached lobster, crab cake Oscar, lemongrass orange ginger vinaigrette and celery root mash with Keller Estate Chardonnay. For 150. Chef Jesss Llapitan of SF’s Palace Hotel wowed the crowd. So, uh, can we get the recipe for those crab cakes?

5. Most starstruck moment II: Meeting the cowgirls, Sue Conley and Peggy Smith, of Cowgirl Creamery. Don’t miss their limited edition Pierce Pt, made from Straus Family whole milk, washed in muscato wine and rolled in dried herbs from the Tomales Bay coastal region.

6. Favorite sommelier: Chris Sawyer, who discussed Petaluma Gap wines, is our absolute wine hero.

7. Wines that wowed: Keller Estate’s Oro de Plato, Black Kite’s Pinot Noirs, Mount Tamalpais Vineyards Merlot

8. Best right-place, right-time moment: Having Nancy Oakes give us a pound of St. George fonduta. Oh my god.

9. Best non-California cheese: Mt. Townsend Seastack–A hand-ladled cheese rolled in vegetable ash and sea salt from Washington state.

10. Cheesiest MC: Joey Altman. Need we say more.

See you next year!

(photos, clockwise from top left: Gary Danko’s cheese cart, the Danko cheese tasting, Sommelier Chris Sawyer, Petaluma360.com Meloni Courtway holding the fonduta, Gary Danko, strolling accordianist, Bruce Aidells next to wife, Nancy Oakes, the lobster from the Gala Dinner)

I’d all but given up on Round Table Pizza after one too many lackluster birthday party pizzas. And soccer party pizzas. And school event pizzas. (Though I’ll admit that judging any restaurant when surrounded by screaming 9-year-olds isn’t 100 percent fair.)

However, redemption has arrived in the form of the new Proscuitto Artisan Pizza, topped with lemon feta, artichokes, tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, basil and caramelized onions. Crunching into the cornmeal dusted crust, BiteClub was transported far beyond the stuffy, ear-splitting confines of the party room and into a brief moment of Italian bliss.

Redemption found. Now, if they could only do something about the birthday cake.

Round Table Pizza: Five Santa Rosa locations. www.roundtablepizza.com

Voting is now closed. Thanks for your participation. Stay tuned for BiteClub’s crowning of the Top SoCo chef!

Goobers and popcorn are not my idea of eating well.

So, you may understand why, despite threat of punishment, I often take my own nourishment to the movie theater. I’m just that kind of rebel.

But it appears the folks at the Roxy may have gotten the memo. The once-depressing coffee shop attached to the theater has recently transformed into an inviting crepe, panini and espresso cafe serving some downright delightful nibbles.

Crepes are made-to-order, featuring both sweet (Nutella, jam, baked apples) and savory (ham & cheese, veggies) fillings, brought to the table (or picked up counter side) steaming hot. With many under $3, they’re a steal for penny-pinching lunchers. The panini are also grilled up fresh, the best bet being the Tuscan–a richly filling sandwich packed with ricotta and mozzarella cheese, tomatoes and pesto for $5.95.

Café Martin also serves a mean espresso, with the staff well-versed in foam-art. And, with its fishbowl windows, the narrow café is as perfect a people-watching spot as you can get downtown. At least when it’s raining.

Not so hot: We’ll chalk up to opening jitters the black plastic plates, paper cups and side orders of cheap potato chips and pickles. Ick. Hopefully the owners will think twice, and invest in a little china and possibly some amusing sides–say, perhaps a nice pasta or nip of green salad? Brilliant.

But even as is, the café has plenty of pre-and-post theater allure. So, if you see my purse steaming a bit as I walk into Cinema 9–possibly oozing a little chocolate, and a bit of melted cheese–just wink and smile. It’ll be our little secret.

Café Martin, 85 Santa Rosa Ave, Santa Rosa, 707.522.0330. Open for lunch and dinner daily.

Looking at your watch could very well get you kicked out of John Raymond’s cheese shop. So don’t do it.

Instead, kick back and settle in for a leisurely tasting while the quirky Glen Ellen cheese monger walks you through his collection of rare, artisanal cheeses–many of them from California–one by one. If you’re lucky, a little group will gather ’round the marble cutting board and you’ll be regaled with more cheese knowledge than you can possibly process. Not to mention plenty of tastes. If you’re lucky.

Because if you’re not paying attention, Raymond won’t hesitate to ask you to move aside for someone more pleasured by an aged wheel of goat cheese. And believe me, that’s not a spot you want to give up.

Raymond is just one of a collection of food and wine purveyors making a go of it in the quiet Glen Ellen outpost of Jack London Village. Though the remote-ish, hill-hugging shopping center has long-struggled to keep tenants, the current crop, which includes Raymond & Co. Cheesemongers, the new café/marketplace Olive & Vine, Wine Country Chocolate & Truffles and a new wine bar and bistro finally feels like a destination.

If you go: Don’t miss the panini sandwiches at Olive & Vine. The marketplace (which also serves as home base for their catering company) offers up a daily variety of scrumptious salads, pizzas and soups, but the grilled pork loin sandwich with apple slaw, melty cheese and grainy mustard was a little slice of heaven on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Top off your tasting fun next door with a wine-infused chocolate truffle (and sneak a peek while they’re being made). Across the street, check out more wine tasting and a variety of oils and vinegars from Sonoma County.

Jack London Village, 14301 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen
– Raymond & Co. Cheesemongers, 707.938.9911
– Olive & Vine, 707.966.9150
– Wine Country Chocolate & Truffles, 707.996.1010

Though BiteClub didn’t initially grasp the concept for the ‘Indian Fusion Sanctuary’ that recently opened on Mendocino (in the former Tahini Grill space), you can now count us among the believers.

Taking inspiration from India, Italy, China and California, Nirvana’s owner/chef/front man Neil Advani has created a mind-bending menu of fusion curries, kabobs, tandoori and nan in a calming temple-like space. Like Scallops Tamateri (tandoori baked scallops with a tomato puree); Crab Lajawab (crab cakes in mango sauce), Italian curry (with olive oil, tomatoes, sweet chutney, oregano and alfredo pesto) or nan bread studded with rosemary and garlic. Unconventional? Truly. But with Indian-fusion dishes sweeping through major cities like London and New York, SoCo can count itself among the culinary vanguard. Or something.

But the soul of the restaurant is what really shines through. Advani hand selects everything “from the traditional round copper plates to the imported Indian mango puree for his saffron mango lassi. Advani doesn’t miss a thing, and if you give him half a chance, he’ll be happy to tell you about what’s in today’s chicken, how he selects the special Darjeeling tea, or give you a taste of the Bombay cumin mint salt spice drink (a native favorite) on the menu. Even the little things, like the complementary nan bread, are small works of art–puffy and shining, rather than tired and sagging. The recipe, “from the Bible of Indian breads,” takes years to master. But it is so worth it. Every bite.

Namaste.

Best bet: Want to give Indian fusion a try? Check out the $8.95 lunchtime buffet, one of the best Indian meals we’ve had in SoCo.

UPDATE 3/8/07: BiteClub has recently been informed from numerous sources that service continues to be a problem at Nirvana. We’re willing to overlook some opening jitters, but feel it is only fair to advise readers of the situation.

Nirvana Indian Fusion Sanctuary, 420 Mendocino Ave., #100, Santa Rosa, 707.575.3608. Open daily for lunch and dinner. In the evenings, live entertainment includes Indian musicians and belly dancing (call ahead and check which nights).

Changes in Railroad Square

Things are looking up, food-wise in Santa Rosa’s Railroad Square lately. Along with one suspected closure-

• Toad in the Hole Pub is set to open shortly. Always in need of more late-night spots “especially casual ones “we’ll look forward to kicking back and drinking a pint.
• The phone for Mixx Enoteca Luigi has been disconnected. The spot has struggled since Mixx’s owners moved on, and frankly, BiteClub suspected its days were numbered. A large liquor control sign out front shows that the restaurant’s liquor license has been suspended “always a kiss of death. Is it curtains for the space?
• A new wine tasting room has opened in the long-dead Davis space between Fourth and Fifth. Featuring the wines of Dry Creek’s Kokomo winery, the tiny spot looks to be a great addition to the nearby Spectrum Bar and Shop.
• A new Thai restaurant, Khoom Lanna will soon open along Fourth Street, as well.

To celebrate the Year of the Boar, BiteClub made a, uh, pig of itself at several of SoCo’s most impressive all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets. Let’s just say it’s no easy task to face down 100-plus items at a single sitting. Especially when some of those steam trays had us worried for our gastronomic lives. But for you, it was worth it.

After tossing back a few Tums, we name the top spots to get some serious grub on. As well as where you might want to, well, reconsider if you’re really THAT hungry.

Best Bet: Gourmet Garden Buffet
A rare gem, this Petaluma newcomer is some seriously good eats, and word is already out among the buffet-set. Eager eaters at both lunch and dinner can be cause for some serious traffic jams among the steam tables. But the wait is worth it.

What endears Gourmet Garden most is the minimal amount of filler–you know, tapioca, carrot salad, Jell-O and French Fries–that beef up other buffets. Oh sure, you’ll find most of this stuff, but it doesn’t dominate. Instead, Gourmet Garden has trays of fresh seafood (salmon, Tilapia, shrimp and crab), and a genuine sushi bar where fresh rolls–including high-end ‘Rainbow’ and unagi–are made frequently.

Other extremely edible entrees include orange chicken (waaaaaay better than Panda Express) beef noodles, pepper chicken and pineapple chicken. There are plenty of nods to American tastes with trays of fried calamari (steer clear), pizza, macaroni and won tons. Plus, a decent salad bar with both lettuce (shocking!) and cold seafood and salad dishes (along with a not-to-bad Kimchee). For dessert (where Chinese buffets eternally fall short), there is of course, three kinds of Jell-O, along with cakes, warm apple crisp and ice cream. 100 S. McDowell Blvd., Petaluma, 707.778.3899. Open for lunch and dinner, plus take-out.

Top Contender: Fou Zhou II
A Press Democrat lunchtime favorite, this spot has recently undergone a serious facelift. Boasting some 150 items, it’s the most expansive we’ve found, verging on a bit dizzying in its selections. There are plenty of solid choices–and favorites include garlic green beans, Chinese-style Angel Hair pasta and a creamy, sweet chicken in white sauce (kind of like Walnut Chicken without the walnuts). Steer far away from the sushi, which is among the nastiest bit of food I’ve ever put in my mouth. Fried food fans will find an embarrassment of riches here, and there are a number of interesting desserts, including sesame cookies, among the Jell-O and tapioca. Overall, a solid choice for serious eaters and hungry media-types in need of a quick nosh. 450 Mendocino Ave, Santa Rosa, 707.523.7000

Kid’s Choice: JK’s Four Seasons Buffet
With just about 50 or so selections, JK’s in Rohnert Park doesn’t have nearly the selection of the top two contenders, or the quality. BiteClub, to put a fine point on it, would be loathe to put just about anything here on its plate or in its mouth again. However, the all-you-can-eat thrill of non-stop Jell-O, canned peaches and Won Tons got our kid’s thumbs up. If you go, the cream cheese Won Tons and Vietnamese spring rolls are your only salvation. 595 Rohnert Park Expy W, Rohnert Park, 707.588.8629

Other buffets
King Buffet, 2131 County Center Dr., Santa Rosa, 707. 576.8388
Kwei Bin, 613 E Washington St., Petaluma, 707.778.6939
Panda Palace, 1202 W Steele Ln, Santa Rosa, 707.535.0404