Looking at your watch could very well get you kicked out of John Raymond’s cheese shop. So don’t do it.

Instead, kick back and settle in for a leisurely tasting while the quirky Glen Ellen cheese monger walks you through his collection of rare, artisanal cheeses–many of them from California–one by one. If you’re lucky, a little group will gather ’round the marble cutting board and you’ll be regaled with more cheese knowledge than you can possibly process. Not to mention plenty of tastes. If you’re lucky.

Because if you’re not paying attention, Raymond won’t hesitate to ask you to move aside for someone more pleasured by an aged wheel of goat cheese. And believe me, that’s not a spot you want to give up.

Raymond is just one of a collection of food and wine purveyors making a go of it in the quiet Glen Ellen outpost of Jack London Village. Though the remote-ish, hill-hugging shopping center has long-struggled to keep tenants, the current crop, which includes Raymond & Co. Cheesemongers, the new café/marketplace Olive & Vine, Wine Country Chocolate & Truffles and a new wine bar and bistro finally feels like a destination.

If you go: Don’t miss the panini sandwiches at Olive & Vine. The marketplace (which also serves as home base for their catering company) offers up a daily variety of scrumptious salads, pizzas and soups, but the grilled pork loin sandwich with apple slaw, melty cheese and grainy mustard was a little slice of heaven on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Top off your tasting fun next door with a wine-infused chocolate truffle (and sneak a peek while they’re being made). Across the street, check out more wine tasting and a variety of oils and vinegars from Sonoma County.

Jack London Village, 14301 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen
– Raymond & Co. Cheesemongers, 707.938.9911
– Olive & Vine, 707.966.9150
– Wine Country Chocolate & Truffles, 707.996.1010

Though BiteClub didn’t initially grasp the concept for the ‘Indian Fusion Sanctuary’ that recently opened on Mendocino (in the former Tahini Grill space), you can now count us among the believers.

Taking inspiration from India, Italy, China and California, Nirvana’s owner/chef/front man Neil Advani has created a mind-bending menu of fusion curries, kabobs, tandoori and nan in a calming temple-like space. Like Scallops Tamateri (tandoori baked scallops with a tomato puree); Crab Lajawab (crab cakes in mango sauce), Italian curry (with olive oil, tomatoes, sweet chutney, oregano and alfredo pesto) or nan bread studded with rosemary and garlic. Unconventional? Truly. But with Indian-fusion dishes sweeping through major cities like London and New York, SoCo can count itself among the culinary vanguard. Or something.

But the soul of the restaurant is what really shines through. Advani hand selects everything “from the traditional round copper plates to the imported Indian mango puree for his saffron mango lassi. Advani doesn’t miss a thing, and if you give him half a chance, he’ll be happy to tell you about what’s in today’s chicken, how he selects the special Darjeeling tea, or give you a taste of the Bombay cumin mint salt spice drink (a native favorite) on the menu. Even the little things, like the complementary nan bread, are small works of art–puffy and shining, rather than tired and sagging. The recipe, “from the Bible of Indian breads,” takes years to master. But it is so worth it. Every bite.

Namaste.

Best bet: Want to give Indian fusion a try? Check out the $8.95 lunchtime buffet, one of the best Indian meals we’ve had in SoCo.

UPDATE 3/8/07: BiteClub has recently been informed from numerous sources that service continues to be a problem at Nirvana. We’re willing to overlook some opening jitters, but feel it is only fair to advise readers of the situation.

Nirvana Indian Fusion Sanctuary, 420 Mendocino Ave., #100, Santa Rosa, 707.575.3608. Open daily for lunch and dinner. In the evenings, live entertainment includes Indian musicians and belly dancing (call ahead and check which nights).

Changes in Railroad Square

Things are looking up, food-wise in Santa Rosa’s Railroad Square lately. Along with one suspected closure-

• Toad in the Hole Pub is set to open shortly. Always in need of more late-night spots “especially casual ones “we’ll look forward to kicking back and drinking a pint.
• The phone for Mixx Enoteca Luigi has been disconnected. The spot has struggled since Mixx’s owners moved on, and frankly, BiteClub suspected its days were numbered. A large liquor control sign out front shows that the restaurant’s liquor license has been suspended “always a kiss of death. Is it curtains for the space?
• A new wine tasting room has opened in the long-dead Davis space between Fourth and Fifth. Featuring the wines of Dry Creek’s Kokomo winery, the tiny spot looks to be a great addition to the nearby Spectrum Bar and Shop.
• A new Thai restaurant, Khoom Lanna will soon open along Fourth Street, as well.

To celebrate the Year of the Boar, BiteClub made a, uh, pig of itself at several of SoCo’s most impressive all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets. Let’s just say it’s no easy task to face down 100-plus items at a single sitting. Especially when some of those steam trays had us worried for our gastronomic lives. But for you, it was worth it.

After tossing back a few Tums, we name the top spots to get some serious grub on. As well as where you might want to, well, reconsider if you’re really THAT hungry.

Best Bet: Gourmet Garden Buffet
A rare gem, this Petaluma newcomer is some seriously good eats, and word is already out among the buffet-set. Eager eaters at both lunch and dinner can be cause for some serious traffic jams among the steam tables. But the wait is worth it.

What endears Gourmet Garden most is the minimal amount of filler–you know, tapioca, carrot salad, Jell-O and French Fries–that beef up other buffets. Oh sure, you’ll find most of this stuff, but it doesn’t dominate. Instead, Gourmet Garden has trays of fresh seafood (salmon, Tilapia, shrimp and crab), and a genuine sushi bar where fresh rolls–including high-end ‘Rainbow’ and unagi–are made frequently.

Other extremely edible entrees include orange chicken (waaaaaay better than Panda Express) beef noodles, pepper chicken and pineapple chicken. There are plenty of nods to American tastes with trays of fried calamari (steer clear), pizza, macaroni and won tons. Plus, a decent salad bar with both lettuce (shocking!) and cold seafood and salad dishes (along with a not-to-bad Kimchee). For dessert (where Chinese buffets eternally fall short), there is of course, three kinds of Jell-O, along with cakes, warm apple crisp and ice cream. 100 S. McDowell Blvd., Petaluma, 707.778.3899. Open for lunch and dinner, plus take-out.

Top Contender: Fou Zhou II
A Press Democrat lunchtime favorite, this spot has recently undergone a serious facelift. Boasting some 150 items, it’s the most expansive we’ve found, verging on a bit dizzying in its selections. There are plenty of solid choices–and favorites include garlic green beans, Chinese-style Angel Hair pasta and a creamy, sweet chicken in white sauce (kind of like Walnut Chicken without the walnuts). Steer far away from the sushi, which is among the nastiest bit of food I’ve ever put in my mouth. Fried food fans will find an embarrassment of riches here, and there are a number of interesting desserts, including sesame cookies, among the Jell-O and tapioca. Overall, a solid choice for serious eaters and hungry media-types in need of a quick nosh. 450 Mendocino Ave, Santa Rosa, 707.523.7000

Kid’s Choice: JK’s Four Seasons Buffet
With just about 50 or so selections, JK’s in Rohnert Park doesn’t have nearly the selection of the top two contenders, or the quality. BiteClub, to put a fine point on it, would be loathe to put just about anything here on its plate or in its mouth again. However, the all-you-can-eat thrill of non-stop Jell-O, canned peaches and Won Tons got our kid’s thumbs up. If you go, the cream cheese Won Tons and Vietnamese spring rolls are your only salvation. 595 Rohnert Park Expy W, Rohnert Park, 707.588.8629

Other buffets
King Buffet, 2131 County Center Dr., Santa Rosa, 707. 576.8388
Kwei Bin, 613 E Washington St., Petaluma, 707.778.6939
Panda Palace, 1202 W Steele Ln, Santa Rosa, 707.535.0404

Amen to Guy Fieri. He’s a guy you just can’t help but love. The Food Network superstar is full of soul, vitality and enthusiasm. I’m not totally sure I can say the same thing for the new/resurrected Johnny Garlic’s.

Here’s the backstory: After shuttering Russell Ramsay’s Chop House, which failed to have the draw of nightspot Tex Wasabi’s, the space was briefly closed. In January, a flurry of television ads featuring Fieri and his mom hailed the return of Johnny Garlic’s to its original spot on Farmer’s Lane as a ‘You asked for it, you got it’ kind of thing.

A nice spin, if nothing else.

On Feb. 1, the doors reopened with many of Garlic’s tried-and-true favorites–Caesar salad, Cajun Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo and garlic fries. Added into the mix, a few Chop House favorites–big steaks, French onion soup and the sweet beet salad. I’m actually thinking this could be a cool thing. A nice, new(ish) local spot to take the kids.

But Fieri’s trademark energy seems lacking in the retro-fitted space.

It’s the little things—clumpy pasta, crumpled paper table coverings, a sort of empty feeling all around. The salad was wilted, and had exactly two croutons on top. The soup of the day, clam chowder, felt hopelessly boring. Not even the toothy smiles and speedy service could cut through the gloom.

Hard to imagine a firebrand like Guy tolerating such mediocrity–especially with a big re-opening like this. Where’s the Fieri who invented rock n’ roll sushi?

Or, has Fieri left the building?

If you go: Best bets are the Cajun chicken Fettuccine Alfredo, an all-time Johnny Garlic’s top-seller. Garlic chips with garlic sour cream are a fun appetizer (if you’re not planning on doing a lot of kissing later) and the complementary focaccia-style bread is nice (just please, bring the balsamic without us having to plead for it.) Lunch specials include one of several specialty entrees (like the Cajun chicken) with their signature Caesar for under $10.

Johnny Garlic’s, 1460 Farmers Lane, Santa Rosa, 707.571.1800. Open daily for lunch and dinner.

Call them the shellfish of love. Shooters d’amour. The mollusks of marital bliss.

Raw oysters are, well, about as obvious as food gets, when it comes to making your romantic intentions known. We’ll just leave it at that.

Here are six spots to plant that flag of love and throw back a dozen on the half-shell. The rest is up to you.

Glen Ellen Inn Restaurant: Tucked away in quiet Glen Ellen, the restaurant is romantically candlelit, offering a variety of oyster delights, including the Dirty Dozen–12 raw oysters with a Bloody Mary mignonette. After dinner head to the secret cottages for a dip in the Jacuzzi tubs and, well, whatever might happen next. 13670 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen, 707.996.6409

Willi’s Seafood
Hands down, one of SoCo’s best bets for all things from the sea, Willi’s has an extensive offering of raw oysters, with the freshest up on the chalkboard daily. While you’re there, you might as well try one of their lobster rolls as well. Because hey, you’ll need that extra energy for later. Plus, terrific cocktails in a clubby, bistro-like space just begging for a little dinner-time romance. 403 Healdsburg Ave., Healdsburg, 707.433.9191

Sonoma Meritage Restaurant and Oyster Bar
A bounty of seafood in Sonoma. Try the Drunken Angry Hog, a martini made with pepper vodka, a Hog Island oyster and spicy Mary float. 165 W. Napa St., Sonoma, 707.938.9430.

Rocker Oysterfeller’s
Take a romantic drive out to Valley Ford and the newly renovated Valley Ford Hotel and Rocker Oysterfeller’s Kitchen and Saloon. The restaurant uses local, seasonal foods (like the nearby Tomales Bay Oysters), but gives many of the menu items a Southern twang. Plus, rooms upstairs are a very reasonable $100-$165 per night. 14415 Coast Hwy. 1, Valley Ford. 707.876.1983.

Bouchon
Belly up to the bar, where a vast variety of oysters on the half-shell twinkle at you tauntingly. A favorite after hours haunt (ie: it’s open late) of Yountville chefs and other notable locals, you’re likely to find a little romance, should you hold be looking. Want to win over that cutie at the table next to yours? Order the Grand Plateau, which includes a lobster, 16 oysters, shrimp, clams and a variety of other sea-going goodies. Worth every bit of $85. 6534 Washington St., Yountville, 707.944.8037.

Go Fish
Not just for sushi, Cindy Pawlcyn’s new fish-focused restaurant has a bean oyster bar. Build your own shellfish platter with Fanny Bay, Royal Miyagi or Quilcene oysters, plus clams, prawns and lobster. Plus, and amazing wine and sake list. See BiteClub’s recent review. 641 Main St., St. Helena, 707.963.0700.

Got a tip, or just wanna talk food? Email me!

I have never turned down a good cocktail. Or even a mediocre one. So, when Mary’s Pizza Shack announced that it recently sold its 10,000th Pomegranate Martini my Happy Hour alarm went off. Ding.

Mary’s (you may be surprised to find out) has two full-bar Shacks in SoCo–Rohnert Park and Sonoma. As in more than just beer and wine with your pizza.

So, in the name of research, we headed to Rohnert Park and promptly ordered several of their signature “Shacktinis”.

The flagship and top-seller is the Pomegranate Martini, made with Ketel One vodka, lemon and lime juice, pomegranate syrup and a splash of Gloria Ferrer champagne. Folks in the town of Sonoma seem to love them, having quaffed 10,000-plus in two years. They’ve also bestowed several awards on the ‘tini at their annual Martini Madness Festival. Remind me to visit there more often.

I can see the attraction. Though oddly pale (a light yellow, rather than the dark pink you might expect from a pomegranate cocktail), drink-wise, the Pom-tini isn’t bad. I’ve had better. I’ve had worse. It ranks somewhere in the middle, though it’s sheer stopping power is laudable. Drink two and you’ll be on the floor.

Along with the Pomegranate are several other Shacktinis, including the Washington Apple (made with Crown Royal, Apple Pucker and cranberry) and the Metropolitini (made with Ketel One, Cointreau, black currant syrup and champagne).

Yes, they’re all a bit sweet. And entirely girly. And $7.50 each. But having a stiff cocktail with your meatball sandwich and extra-large pepperoni**? Priceless.

Mary’s Pizza Shack, 101 Golf Course Dr, Rohnert Park, 707.585.3500

*Mr. BiteClub thinks it is ridiculous to call anything other than gin and dry vermouth a martini. However, if it is served in a martini glass, he will usually drink it. Begrudgingly. I however, have no such hang-ups.

**Good eats, or martini haze? The gorgonzola gnocchi was really good. Especially warmed up at 3am.

Got a tip, or just want to talk food? Email me at biteclub@pressdemo.com

Nothing says “I love you, baby,” like a big box of chocolates. Except, of course, telling her she looks slimmer after eating all of them.

So, in honor of St. Valentine’s Day (and the need for the aforementioned chocolates), BiteClub canvassed the chocolate meccas of Sonoma County for the best bets in cocoa bliss–for every budget.

La Dolce V
Surround yourself in confectionary delight at Sebastopol’s only Chocolate Café. Big spenders can shower their sweeties with bon-bons filled with forbidden fruits, sultry spices, fragrant flowers and luscious libations–like the 24-piece Aphrodite Collection ($34.95). Of more modest means? Take your lover for a glass of French-spiced hot chocolate in the salon, or for one of the weekly chocolate fondue nights. La Dolce V, 110 North Main St., Sebastopol.

Patisserie Angelica
Nipples of Venus, Cardinal Sin cake and ‘Better than Sex’ Chocolate fudge. You pretty much can’t go wrong at this Sebastopol bakery. Pair with a little something from Victoria’s Secret, and, let’s just say you’ll be whistling a happy tune until next week. Patisserie Angelica, 6821 Laguna Park Way, Sebastopol, 707.827.7998.

Hearts Desire
Chocolate and wine might just be better than oysters this holiday. Grab a tin of three truffles infused with local wines–Zinfandel, Merlot and Cabernet. Heart’s Desire Chocolates, 101 Golf Course Drive, Suite C8, Rohnert Park, 707.585.7673.

Whole Foods
Score! Imported French chocolates from renowned chocolatier Michel Cluizel. A 16-piece truffle selection will run you about $12. And impress the pants off your date (which is pretty much what you were going for). Want to spice things up? Whole Foods also carries a selection of Vosges Haute Chocolate candy bars infused with spices like curry, cardamom and chipotle. You rascal, you. Santa Rosa and Sebastopol locations.

Trader Joe’s
A yard of chocolate for $3.99? Yes, it’s true. Joe’s has tons of adorably-wrapped Belgian, French and American confections at a bargain price. Just tear off the holiday bows (on some of them), and ignore the “Best By” dates of January. It’s the thought that counts, right?

MORE CHOCOLATE FUN

Cooking with Love, Aphrodisiac Ingredients
Red wine and chocolate braised Sonoma Duck, along with a variety of other passion-inducing dishes will be cooked by Chef Mark Stark (of Willi’s Wine Bar fame) served in Bella Winery’s romantic candlelit cave. Not that we’re suggesting you adjourn to the vineyards afterward for a little post-dinner nookie–but, you know, you could. Call Relish Culinary School for details and availability, 707.431.9999.

Healdsburg Chocolate Walk
Take a guided tour in search of all things chocolate around Wine Country’s most charming town. Just think, you’re walking off all those calories! Click here for details.

COPIA’s Death By Chocolate Festival Weekend
Chocolate tasting, demos, wine pairings and more tasting. Learn to make your own truffles, hobnob with chocolatiers and stuff your face with the candy of the gods. Saturday 2/17 and Sunday 2/18. www.copia.org

Rodney Strong’s Wine and Chocolate Fantasy
Wine and chocolate pairing February 10th from 1-4pm.

Hawaiians are a hungry people, apparently.

That’s the only explanation I can come up with for anyone purposely eating a plate of beef patties smothered in gravy, topped with a fried egg. And it’s the only possible reason for even attempting to finish a two-pound order of fried chicken cutlets with two scoops of rice and macaroni salad. Not to mention spam wrapped in seaweed.

Welcome to the islands, and Ohana Hawaiian BBQ.

Though it’s not for every taste (or waistline), BiteClub counts itself as a fan of aloha cooking “the quirky Hawaiian mix of Chinese, Japanese and, our own American fascination with all things fried. In few other cultures can you find a menu with sushi, BBQ, deep fried chicken curry and a double cheese gravy burger.

No complaints, mind you. Just sheer astonishment at the bounty of artery-clogging deliciousness.

So, okay, loosen your belt and come on in to Santa Rosa (and now Petaluma’s) taste of the Islands. Best bets: Chicken Katsu (a deep fried, breaded chicken cutlet) with curry; Hawaiian BBQ chicken and, for the more adventurous, Loco Moco (the aforementioned beef, gravy and eggs) and Spam Musubi (think grilled Spam sushi).

All entrees are served with heaping helpings of sticky white rice and creamy macaroni salad. Be assured your daily allowance of carbs will be satisfied for a year or more.

A few lighter options are available, but come on, you’re here to eat like a Hawaiian. Just come hungry.

Ohana Hawaiian BBQ, 2150 Santa Rosa Ave, Santa Rosa, 707.571.8882.
Also in Petaluma, 205 S. McDowell Blvd., 707.766.8282.