Safeway Avocado Alert

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I could wax excitable and eloquent for pages upon pages about the virtues of the California Hass avocado (and yes, it is "Hass", not "Haas", named for Rudolph Hass, the postman who, in the 1920s, planted the one and only Mother Tree of virtually every avocado you've ever eaten), but I cannot stomach the poor excuse on offer at my local Safeway.